Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Weekly Podcast ....The Woman Who Stole the Cookies

Have you ever been really angry at someone for what they did to you?  
Perhaps you can see it in a different light once year hear about "the woman who stole the cookies" in this week's 5 minute long podcast!

Monday, June 25, 2018

Love is a Pact



Today I had an epiphany about love.

I recently had a little problem with my best friend.  
You see, I shared something very important and private.
And they...
SAID NOTHING!
They moved on in the conversation as if I had mentioned that it was going to rain tomorrow!
And I was a little hurt.  And a lot angry.

But I've been studying all sorts of self-development principles for years and I know that I am responsible for my own suffering.  I am the one who attached meaning to her silence.  I am the one that needs to let it go.  I am the one that should be sharing because I want to share, not because I have an expectation of receiving a positive reaction.  Blah, blah, blah.

I knew the only person who needed "fixing" was me.
But I was still hurt.  And maybe a little more angry.

So I mentioned it.
I mentioned that I was hurt.  And that I knew the suffering was all my own doing.  That I didn't want her to change.  But I just had to tell her.
She apologized for being insensitive.
And we moved on.

Well, actually I was still a little hurt. And a tiny bit angry.  Mostly at myself though.

But I wondered why I had to say something.
If I knew that I was the only one I could "fix".

And I realized it is because we love each other.
And with love comes a pact.
A pact to be invested in each other's growth.
A pact to challenge each other to be better.

And when you make that pact, it is called love.

Love has a responsibility to be a safe place to practice your growth.
A safe place to say "I am feeling hurt by what you did."
A safe place to provide the suggestion that the other person might want to take a look at themselves.

This responsibility does not exist in everyday relationships.
Because it is a pact.  Something you both agree to.
In everyday relationships it is not implicit that the other person wants you to nurture their growth.
Which is why you can let things go without mentioning it.

But in a relationship where you made a pact to grow together, you are obligated to share.

After this realization I no longer felt hurt.  I no longer felt angry.
I felt love.










Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Don't Blame the Delivery Guy ... He Didn't Send You Your Suffering

Photo by Maarten van den Huevel


The glorious teacher, Srikumar Rao, once told me a story about a delivery guy.

He told us that when things happen in relationships with people they are not actually the product of that person but are a gift or lesson from the Universe.  And to think about it like the Universe being the place where you shopped online and and the people in your life as the delivery people.

Think of it this way ....

When the you open a package and you like what is inside, you just go about your business.  Maybe you get a little excited.  If you really loved what's in there maybe you tell people about it or write a review.  But the delivery guy really does not factor into the equation.  Maybe you say thank you.  But that's it.  This is how it is when something nice you like happens to you.  You express different levels of excitement, maybe you tell people about your good fortune, maybe you thank the person involved, maybe you express gratitude to the Universe.

See the illustration?  

But what happens when something you perceive as not nice happens to you?
Well, most people look to blame the person who "caused" their suffering.  The boss who did not give you the promotion, the reckless driver who wrecked your car, the teacher who gave little Sally a C-.  We focus all of our negative emotions and stories on that person.

But wait.  They are just the delivery guy.
And what do you do when you open up a package and you hate what is inside?
Do you start yelling at the poor UPS guy who brought it to the door?!  
Of course not!
You thank him just the same and then take up your issues with the company who sent the despised item.

So remember,  the next time you take delivery of a not so fabulous situation .... don't take it out on the delivery guy!


Note:
After I heard this story, I thought about the flip side.  When I am the delivery guy.  When I am the one delivering the suffering.  
Do I view myself as just a pawn in the Universe's game?  
After much contemplation I decided that being the deliverer of suffering is not a job I really want to have.  And that as I work out my own crap I will play this role less and less.  Until I am just the bearer of the most wonderful packages.
So when I end up being the delivery guy of suffering, I can give myself a little break by realizing that this is a lesson from the Universe.  But not just for the person getting the package but for me as well.




Friday, June 15, 2018

"School of Greatness" ... Self- Development for Young Adults

I am, admittedly, a self-development book junkie.  
I love learning about different ways to lead a more exceptional life ... to be happier, to be healthier, and to make a better contribution to this world.
Some of the books are full of ideas I have already worked with but there is always something new for me to learn or be inspired by.
I could recommend dozens of books to you!

But until now I could never recommend one to my teens.




Here's 3 reasons why ...

1. Lewis Gives You Just the Basics
This is a great introductory self-development book for not just young adults, but for everyone.  
Lewis covers intention setting and visualization and meditation and gratitude, among other things.  All the basics that you need to get started on your journey to a more exceptional life. 
He doesn't give you too much.  But he gives you just enough for you to get started easily.
It is just enough for a young adult to digest.


2. Lewis is One of the Guys
Lewis is really approachable.
He is sensitive and funny.  He is not afraid to support you or to kick you in the butt.   He is a real guy.
He writes to you as if he is in the room talking with you, which is a must for young adults.

3. Lewis is a Great Storyteller
Lewis' stories are about people who are really engaging.
The people he has met are both totally normal and totally exceptional.
They are great illustrations of how anyone with the right mindset can achieve all they desire. 
His stories tell of people who start from nothing and achieve great success in business, of people who are challenged with great physical handicaps and climb mountains, of people who overcome really hard times to create a life they love.
They are people like you and I.  You relate to them and you fall in love with them. 
Not only are the subjects of his stories unique and interesting, Lewis really knows how to weave an engaging tale.
The stories are woven throughout all of the book and will serve to really engage young adults in the content.

This is a must-read for all high school and college kids!





Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Manifesting Your Desires with 3 Simple Choices


My new eBook is complete!
I would love to send you a copy!

Simple exercises will lead you through the process of understanding how you can influence the manifestation of your desires by being fully committed with your soul, mind, and body.




Monday, June 11, 2018

How Keanu Reeves Taught Me a Lesson About Passion

I have been working on a book for the past few months aimed at encouraging young adults to design an extraordinary life for themselves by find their own unique direction.  A direction determined by passion, talent happiness, success, and contribution.  I am always on the lookout for examples I can use to illustrate some of my points and just the other night my 11 year old daughter and Keanu Reeves gave me a perfect story about what it means to be passionate.  (Okay, mostly her, but he was a tiny part of the story!)



My daughter wants to be an actress.  
Over the past year she has been doing some background work for TV and films.  And she loves it.  
She's intrigued by the technical aspects and the craft table (that the snacks for us non-actors) and the wardrobe people.  She's always full of questions on the way home about what certain lingo meant or the resumes of the actors she got to work with.   She likes that she gets paid.  She doesn't mind wearing a winter coat in the subway in August or hiking back up the bunny slope 30 times in one day.  She doesn't mind that sometimes there is a lot of waiting around or that sometimes the scene she was in gets cut in the final edit.  She just loves it.

But the other night I learned that she was passionate about it.

She got selected to work on a new Keanu Reeves movie overnight at Grand Central Station.
We arrived at 8PM and waited.
We walked over to the set to get a snack and waited. 
Then we went back to holding and waited.
Then we got a lunch break at 1AM and nibbled on some food.
Then we went back to set and waited.
And then they told us they had to dismiss the kids because they can only work so many hours
So back to holding we went to collect our things and sign out.

And all around me the other kids were upset.  One girl was mumbling under her breath that she can't believe she came all the way to NY and wasn't even on camera.  Two boys were actually borderline tantrum.  Another boy was complaining about what a waste of time it was.

And my daughter stood in line to check out and said.
"That was awesome."
"Wasn't the hotel ballroom a really nice holding room?"
"How awesome was it that they had PopTarts at the craft table?"
"Wasn't the PA really nice?"
"Did I have any of the blue cheese dressing at lunch because it was really good?"
"Wasn't the guy on set playing the homeless man just perfect?"
"How cool was it to be in Grand Central so late at night watching a movie being made?"
And on, and on, and on.

As we waited in the parking garage at 3AM (for our car to be jump started), I asked if her she was disappointed that she didn't get to be on camera and she looked at me and said, "Why would I be?".

And that is the moment I knew that she has a passion for the business of TV and film.  It is not about the result for her, it is about the experience.  It is just a pure love.  It is passion.
She has the passion to put in the time and effort, she has the passion to learn all she can, and she has the passion to face the challenges without a complaint because the only reason she is doing it is for the pure joy of passion.  Just being part of it lights her soul on fire.

And that is a fine example of the fire we each need to find in order to live a most exceptional life.

This is the kind of light we all need.  A passion for something that makes us lose track of time, a passion for something that inspires us read books, and take classes, and ask questions, a passion for something that makes challenges seem like fun.

Now go out and find your passion!





Tuesday, June 5, 2018

What are You Lacking?

Years ago I made a wonderful observation about my emotions.
That my negative feelings come from a fear of lack.
And that in order to release them I need to understand what I am lacking and replace that with the opposite, a feeling of abundance.



Anger is feeling a lack of control (being compelled to do something you don’t want).
Sadness is feeling that you are lacking what you want.
Jealousy is feeling that you are lacking what you want and someone else is getting it.
Judgement is feeling that others lack of appreciation (thinking your way is the best or only way).

When I am feeling one of these states of lack I try to get very, very clear on what it is I feel I am lacking and why.

I specifically love doing the "Why" exercise.
You state what you are lacking.
And ask why you want it.
Then you answer "why" 6 more times.
And get to the real feeling of lack.

For example,
"I am jealous. I am lacking the promotion that just got given to my coworker."
"Why?"
"I want to be seen as the best in my department."
"Why?"
"So that everyone knows that I am talented."
"Why?"
"So that my coworkers don't think they are better than me."
"Why?"
"So they don't think I am wasting my time pursuing a job where I can't be the best."
"Why?"
"Because it is embarrassing to be passionate about something and not be that good at it."
"Why?"
"Because my parents told me so."
"Why?"
"Because they didn't want to be embarrassed by me."
And lo and behold, you are really lacking a feeling of being enough just how you are.

(And everyone who started out with the same feeling of lack may end up in a very different place at the end. Some people who did not get the promotion may feel a lack of money or a lack of growth opportunity.)

And once I am clear on what I am really lacking, I can turn it around.
Replace anger with kindness for yourself and others.
Replace sadness with abundance.
Replace jealousy with desire.
Replace judgement with tolerance.


So in my example, I might replace my jealousy regarding the promotion with a desire to feel good about what I bring to the table at work.  I would focus on my special skills and think about how great I am a certain things and look for opportunities to grow them and use them in my current position.

So the next time you are feeling a sense of lack, dive deep to figure out what you are lacking and then shift your perspective to one of feeling a sense of great abundance for what you have and what you have to opportunity to gain.