What are You Lacking?

Years ago I made a wonderful observation about my emotions.

That my negative feelings come from a fear of lack.

And that in order to release them I need to understand what I am lacking and replace that with the opposite, a feeling of abundance.

Anger is feeling a lack of control (being compelled to do something you don’t want).

Sadness is feeling that you are lacking what you want.

Jealousy is feeling that you are lacking what you want and someone else is getting it.

Judgement is feeling that others lack of appreciation (thinking your way is the best or only way).

When I am feeling one of these states of lack I try to get very, very clear on what it is I feel I am lacking and why.

I specifically love doing the "Why" exercise.

You state what you are lacking.

And ask why you want it.

Then you answer "why" 6 more times.

And get to the real feeling of lack.

For example,

"I am jealous. I am lacking the promotion that just got given to my coworker."

"Why?"

"I want to be seen as the best in my department."

"Why?"

"So that everyone knows that I am talented."

"Why?"

"So that my coworkers don't think they are better than me."

"Why?"

"So they don't think I am wasting my time pursuing a job where I can't be the best."

"Why?"

"Because it is embarrassing to be passionate about something and not be that good at it."

"Why?"

"Because my parents told me so."

"Why?"

"Because they didn't want to be embarrassed by me."

And lo and behold, you are really lacking a feeling of being enough just how you are.

(And everyone who started out with the same feeling of lack may end up in a very different place at the end. Some people who did not get the promotion may feel a lack of money or a lack of growth opportunity.)

And once I am clear on what I am really lacking, I can turn it around.

Replace anger with kindness for yourself and others.

Replace sadness with abundance.

Replace jealousy with desire.

Replace judgement with tolerance.

So in my example, I might replace my jealousy regarding the promotion with a desire to feel good about what I bring to the table at work.  I would focus on my special skills and think about how great I am a certain things and look for opportunities to grow them and use them in my current position.

So the next time you are feeling a sense of lack, dive deep to figure out what you are lacking and then shift your perspective to one of feeling a sense of great abundance for what you have and what you have to opportunity to gain.