Getting Rid of Your Baggage to Be a Lighter Being .... Astrology for the Soul by Jan Spiller

I am always looking for new insights into my self to help me get rid of some of the baggage I am carrying and be a lighter being.

One of the very best insights I have ever had was understanding the astrological ideas of the North and South Nodes of the Moon.  When you were born, the Modes of the Moon were in certain signs opposite each other.  

In a nutshell, the South Node tells you about the baggage you are carrying and where you need to learn and heal and the North Node tells you about where you can go and make the very best use of the gifts you have hidden inside.   Sounds like something everyone should know, right?

I have been using the information about my Nodes for a long time but I recently found an amazing book. Astrology for the Soul by Jan Spiller,  that provides some really substantial insights into the Nodes and has given me some amazing new insights that I hope will carry me farther along my path to being brighter.  Even if you know nothing about astrology, you can easily find your Nodes and read all about yourself!  I highly recommend checking out this book today!

Unconditional Love vs. Conditional Love .... It's All About the Expectation

For years I have struggled to understand what love is.  I grew up in a household that felt devoid of love and I have always wondered what was missing.

This weekend I had a realization.  There are two kinds of love.  

Unconditional love is the act of doing something to bring someone joy without any expectation of praise.  Your intention is to create joy,  The act itself brings you great happiness.  It is an action that comes from your soul.  It feels good to both the person giving it and the person receiving it.

Conditional love is the act of doing something to bring someone joy with the expectation of receiving praise.  Your intention is to feel good about yourself.  The act causes someone else to bring you happiness with their appreciation of you.  It is an action that comes from your ego.  It feels a little bit good but it is not real and it is not lasting.

When I think back to my childhood I received a ton of conditional love.  My parents made me feel loved when I received good grades and my teachers told them what good parents they were.  My parents made me feel loved when I got the lead role in the school play and other parents told them how adorable I was.  I felt loved when I kept my room neat for guests to see or mastered a recipe for company or got into college early and was in the newspaper.  I felt loved when I was praised for my restaurant behavior or when I was outside weeding the lawn for all the neighbors to see or when I sacrificed going out with friends to stay home with my parents.  

I can't ever remember feeling loved for just being.  I can't ever remember my parents doing anything with or for me just to make me happy.  It was always because they wanted a thank you or they wanted me to learn something new to impress someone.  They loved me ... on the condition that what they gave to me returned a feeling of happiness to them.

Interestingly this goes hand and hand with another lesson of my childhood which was to not do something for nothing!  There always had to be a reward!  So not only did I learn to receive conditional love, I learned to give it as well.  We never put others first, unless it was so we could feel like a martyr.

Having found comfort in this sort of behavior I am pretty sure I spent the rest of my life seeking out relationships with others that were also based on the giving and receiving of conditional love.  

But now that I recognize this, I can toss this limiting belief aside.

And I am looking forward to the happiness I know embracing unconditional love will bring.

Try on Something New... Even If You Are Afraid It Won't Fit

One of the best things about being a kid is being able to try on all sorts of new things to find out what fits you.  You have classes in school and activities your parents plan and playdates with friends and stories your grandparents tell and visits to the library.  You are constantly exposed to new things that you can try on and see how they fit.

As adults I find we already have our pile of things that fit and we don't often try new things on.  In fact we often look at new things and filter them out as "not our size" because they didn't fit in the past or because we think our closet is too full.

So I have decided that once a month I am going to try on something new.  Something that didn't fit in the past or something I have been afraid to try on because I can't imagine it fits.

This month is going to be Thai cooking.  I love Thai food and I love cooking.  But I have never been great with working with Asian flavors and I have had more than a few fails at the dinner table.  I have more than once uttered "I can't cook Asian food."  Well, I'm going to try it on this month.  I am going to invest some effort to really understand the flavors and techniques and I am going to respect that it might not all come to me right away.  But I am going to put on that something new and even if it is a little uncomfortable at first I am going to wear it until I can really make a decision about it and then figure out if it is something I can put in my closet.

Go ahead and try on something new!  You never know, it might just be your new favorite!

Every Moment Is Perfect ... Even the Ones That Are Not Going Your Way

People spend a lot of time wanting things to be a certain way.  And then getting themselves angry when they don't turn out that way. 

 I used to that too.  A LOT!  I would spend weeks in a snit over some special something my child didn't get.  I would put on the ugliest face ever when the insurance company wasn't paying for some procedure.  I would have trouble breathing when my child got sick and I had to rearrange my schedule.  I knew I didn't want to live that way.  I wanted to be one of those people that "go with the flow".

A while ago I realized that I needed to sort out my expectations from reality.  That helped a lot.  I have calmed myself down a lot by understanding that there is a difference between what I want to be happening and what is actually happening and make a plan for how to deal with it.

But recently I have added a very important little mantra when this happens.

"Every Moment Is Perfect."

The second I feel a stab of aggravation, I say to myself, "Every Moment Is Perfect."

Sometimes those moments are filled with so much joy that you can easily see why they are perfect.  Those moments when you see a rainbow breaking out of the clouds or your daughter draws you a picture or you have the best spoonful of ice cream in your mouth.  Those moments are perfect.  Appreciate them!

But sometimes moments don't feel joyful and you have to trust that they are also perfect.  There is a lesson in there for you.  Can you learn to let go of things?  Can you learn to put others first?  Can you learn to put yourself in someone else's shoes?  Can you learn that winning isn't everything?   Can you learn the difference between wants and needs?  There are all sorts of lessons out there that help us to be more joyful and peaceful people but they often come cloaked in a moment that causes fear or anger or aggravation.

If you can stop yourself in the moment of aggravation and say to yourself "Every Moment Is Perfect" and search yourself for what this moment might be trying to teach you, you will find that the moment ceases to be aggravating and instead becomes a moment filled with joy.  When you turn staying home with a sick child who upends your day into a day spent snuggling under the blankets with your favorite person in the world, you can see how the vomit on your shoes was actually perfect!

So the next time you feel that gnawing aggravation, stop and remind yourself that "Every Moment Is Perfect".

How to Actually Enjoy the Christmas Season

Christmas is hands-down my favorite holiday of the year.  I love the twinkling decorations.  I love finding the perfect gift.  I love the food and cookies.  I love the chilly weather.  I even love that Elf on the Shelf.  All these things make me really happy.

But Christmas can also be really stressful because you want to do all of the decorating and gift buying and cooking and creative Elf placements but there just doesn't seem to be time for all of that and they end up becoming chores looming over your head instead of things that bring you joy.  And well, that's just no fun at all.

But you can save yourself from all of that stress by simply planning ahead!

I have figured out that I do the exact same tasks each year for Christmas and I buy gifts for the exact same people so one year I sat down and made a list of everything I do and another list of everyone I buy for.   And I set "weeks until Christmas" dates for everything so that I can spread them out in November and December.  Things like Christmas cards and party menus and Christmas dresses can be done really early.  Decorations and Christmas cookies and gingerbread houses come much close to the big day.  I'm sure if you think about what you do for Christmas each year you can come up with your own list of the things you like to get done and come up with a plan for spreading them all out over a couple of months instead of a couple of weeks!  Once you have the list you really never have to do this part of the planning again unless you add or remove some festive traditions.

Then each year in August I spend a few hours planning out the details for each task.  I look through Christmas cookies I have pinned and pick the ones I want to make and print out the recipes.  I pick the Christmas dinner menu.  I pick out the Christmas card I want.  I figure out any gifts that I might want to make or specific things I know I want to buy.  (I happen to do it in August because once school starts and Halloween costumes loom in my mind, I find it more of a burden than a fun activity but you might like to fill in the details of your list a bit later!)

Each week I take a look at the list and tackle the few tasks that are there.  It is far less overwhelming then trying to cram them all in the two weeks before Christmas so I really get to enjoy them all.  And they are much easier to do if they have already been planned out.  Making Christmas cookies is so much easier if I have already figured out which ones I am making and have the shopping list in hand!

So try a little advance planning this year and see how much more you enjoy the holidays!