Never Mind What Other People Think ... It's Okay to Be a Little Bit Crazy

I just finished  Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho.  In a nutshell, the book is about a girl who attempts suicide and ends up in a mental hospital.  We follow Veronika and meet a number of other patients.  The book was fairly complex and I bet that lots of other people took away lots of different things, but what I got from it was that it is actually good to be a little bit crazy.

A number of the characters in the book ended up in the mental hospital because they refused to conform with the expectations placed upon them.  Expectations put there by society or family and friends or even themselves.  One young man started to follow the occult instead of the path to a powerful government position his parents had chosen for him.  Crazy, right?  Another woman wanted to leave her family to go help children in South America after she has seen their plight on the news.  She made herself physically ill contemplating this crazy idea.

In today's society if you choose to do something that does not conform with people's expectations for you, you are perceived as being crazy.  Or perhaps you even perceive yourself as crazy.  Why?  Isn't it actually fabulous to follow your heart?

The book made me stop and think about all of the opportunities I missed out on because I was afraid of being crazy.  My choice of college, my choice of career, travel opportunities and exciting experiences.  Now, I don't look back with regret because these choices were part of my path to get where I am, but going forward I am going to try to be a bit more crazy.  I am not going to allow fear of being different than people expect me to be to drive my decisions.  I am going to follow my heart.  Even if it sounds crazy. (Obviously with some caveats like not harming anyone.)

The day after I thought through this, I was chatting with a woman at pickup.  I have to say I have always found her a tad bit crazy.  She just doesn't conform.  And she was telling me how the night before at 11PM her husband decided he wanted a sandwich and asked if she wanted to go out with him to get one.  And she did. In her bathrobe.  My immediate thought was .. crazy!  And then I thought ... yeah, and that is fabulous that you wanted to go out in your bathrobe and you did.  That is crazy good!

YOUR TURN
Next time you want to do something and hear that little inner voice (or the voice of someone else for that matter) tell you that it is a crazy idea, do it anyway!  Dress  the way you want, take the day off if you feel like it, start a new hobby, take a spur of the moment trip.  Just try on crazy once in a while!

There Is Plaster Dust All Over My House ... What Are the Metaphors in Your Life?

We are undergoing construction.  Again.  I live in a Victorian house built in 1890 and almost ever year we tackle a new room.  This year it is a bedroom that will be for my daughter since we have now reached the age that the girls no longer want to share a room.

I know that there is going to be plaster dust when we do demolition.  The contractors plastic over the opening to the room.  I remembered to pull all of the clothes out of the closets in my bedroom since they share a wall with the bedroom we are working on and I know the dust creeps under the base molding and I didn't want all of my clothes dirtied.  Aside from that I didn't do too much prep.

After Day 1 I can home at 6:30 with two tired kids from dance.  I noticed in the dark house that I could see little cat footprints on my foyer table.  And on the dining room table.  Oh, and on the TV cabinet and the stairs.  Ugh.  I had forgotten how that dust just settles everywhere.

Then I went upstairs to hand the kids dance costumes in the closet in the guest room.  Which happens to be directly above the room being demoed.  That is when I started to cry.  I had forgotten that we have no subfloors.  Just old floorboards.  So when they pulled all the walls and ceiling down, all the dust rose right into my guest room.  About a half an inch of it.  On everything.  Luggage guitars, yoga mats, bedding.  I closed the door and numbed myself with a bottle of champagne.

On Day 2, I cleaned my living room a few times to make that my "happy place" and have moved my computer down here and am sleeping on the couch.  I have started cleaning the other less affected rooms and have decided the real messes will wait until most of the construction is done.  And once everything is done I am spending a few days doing a real deep cleaning.

I have accepted the mess.  I have accepted that things are going to be a little difficult for a few weeks.  I have accepted that even when we are done it is going to take a while to pull everything back into alignment.  I have accepted that I can't plan out dates but instead just need to play things by ear.  I have accepted that the little birthday party I am having here can still gone on even if my house is a bit of a mess.

Why am I telling you all of this?  Because I see this situation as a metaphor for the emotional changes I go through.

I am in a place right now where I am pulling down another "room" in myself.  Tackling limiting beliefs and getting rid of the old crap.  Pulling down every wall and floorboard and old piece of molding.  And as much as I try to confine it to the times I want to focus on it, the dust goes everywhere in my life.  And perhaps it affects some areas in some really dirty ways.  And maybe I need to shut the door on those areas until I am done with my emotional "construction".  I need to be less rigid about what is happening and when and just accept the mess and the difficulty and the uncertainty.  I need to accept that in the end everything is going to be clean and beautiful and there will be a beautiful new room that will emerge .. in my house and in me.

I tell myself each day to be at peace with the chaos and the mess because it is a step on my journey to joy.

YOUR TURN
Is there anything going on in your physical life right now?  Can you see a metaphor for something going on in your emotional life?  What can you tell yourself each day?

Digging Deep ... Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio

On Thursday afternoon there will be a lunar eclipse in Scorpio.  Be prepared!

A lunar eclipse marks a turning point.  Usually there is some chaos at first but you just have to remember that there are lessons in that chaos that will propel you forward.  Forward through a door and there is no going back.

This lunar eclipse is in Scorpio.  Scorpio is a sign that is about digging deep.  Intimacy.  Vulnerability.  Moving beyond your limits.  Stripping away.

Be prepared for something to happen that is going to force you to go somewhere within yourself that you have never been.

The area of your life that will be affected by this depends on the house that Scorpio is for you...

Aries (born 3/21 - 4/20) The focus is on intense experiences.  Crisis, transformations, sex.
Taurus (born 4/21 - 5/21) The focus is partnerships.
Gemini (born 5/22 - 6/21) The focus is well being.  This includes work and health.
Cancer (born 6/22 - 7/22) The focus is your passions and creativity.
Leo (born 7/23 - 8/21)  The focus is your roots.  This includes your childhood and your home.
Virgo (born 8/22 - 9/23) The focus is the exchange of information.  This includes communications and learning.
Libra (born 9/24 - 10/23) The focus is self worth and security.
Scorpio (born 10/24 - 11/22)  The focus is self.
Sagittarius (born 11/23 - 12/22) The focus is your soul.  Things that you keep hidden inside and transformation of your soul
Capricorn (born 12/23 - 1/20) The focus is your goals, hopes and wishes.
Aquarius (born 1/21 - 2/19) The focus is your career or role in society.
Pisces (born 2/20 - 3/20) The focus is on broadening your horizons.



Whatever it is that happens is not going to be quite or subtle.  The message will be loud and clear.  Hopefully you can listen and act!

Oh, Bento Box ... My Lunch Salvation

Since I started went back to work my lunch has gone completely to hell.

I went from coming home after preschool pickup to make some kale and white beans with fresh baked bread and fruit salad to running out the door to elementary school drop off and work without anything in my bag but an apple and Altoids.  Which meant that by sometime between 12PM and 3PM I was fainting and grabbing something from the French bakery next door.

One of my goals this year was to make more time for making lunch.  And a few weeks ago I found my salvation.  The Bento box.

It is not like the Bento box is a new addition to my family.  My kids have been using them since they started having lunch at school.  But I never thought to use one myself.

Introducing myself to the Bento box has bees enabled me to start eating a healthy lunch again because I throw it on the table while I am making breakfast and kids lunches and I just throw little bits of healthy things inside without even thinking.  Because it is not like making a meal, it is like emptying things without a bit of thought.  Gave the kids pineaple for breakfast?  Great throw some in the fruit container.  A few bits of leftover chicken from dinner?  Throw them in a container.  Cut up a pepper and throw it in a section.  Hmm?  Missing something crunchy, well there is a handful of Pirate's Booty left in the snack canister.  Done.

Finally, lunch makes me happy again!

YOUR TURN
Give a Bento box a whirl!  Not sure you want to invest?  Then make your own with a lunchbox and some small plastic or metal containers.

No More Yelling ... Because I Am Really Angry at Myself, Not the Kids

So a few months ago I stumbled up a program called The Orange Rhino.  In a nutshell, this woman decided to stop yelling at her kids for 365 days.  And probably anyone else in her path too.  I liked this idea.

I read some of her posts and tips and decided myself to stop yelling.  I actually have to say that I have had an incredibly easy time of it. I don;t really think about it too much and I have slipped up a few times but almost deciding in my head to stop yelling was enough for me.

But as I stopped yelling I was able to listen more clearly when my husband or my kids are yelling and even to myself when I slipped up.  And what I realized is that nobody is ever yelling at someone else, they are yelling at themselves.

They are yelling because their expectations are not meeting reality.

My husband yelled at the kids when they were dawdling to get out of the house.  Was he really angry at the kids?  Were they really doing anything so wrong or were they just being kids who get lost in their imaginations?  I think his expectation was that they would just hop to and be done in 12.5 seconds.  And that just wasn't the reality.  And I think he was really yelling at himself because he hasn't taught his kids to turn on a dime when he tells them to do something.

I yelled at the kids because they were arguing over whose feet were getting more of the couch.  Was I really angry at them?  No.  I was angry at myself because I expected I had taught them better how to resolve silly problems but in reality I had not.  I was yelling at myself for being a bad mom and not teaching them how to handle themselves in that situation.

When my kids yell at each other I think they are actually beating themselves up that they expected the other one to love them more than they are showing at the moment and how could they be so stupid.

I have also in the past yelled at my kids because I was really yelling at my husband which now I know was really yelling at myself.

Interesting, huh?

YOUR TURN
Check out Orange Rhino and make a pledge to stop yelling for a year.

But inside of just trying to distract yourself from yelling, the next time you do it, think about what is really making you angry.