Thursday, January 31, 2013

How Children Are Able to Behave Like Children ... They Have No Fear of Consequences



Remember my experiment from last week?  How I was going to behave like a child?  Because children are so present in the moment.

Well, my experiment failed miserably.  I managed to throw a few brilliant temper tantrums due to my cast but that was as close as I got to being like a child.

Look, I have learned, after many years of practice, to be present in the moment.  I have stopped multi-tasking so I can really place my attention on one thing and I try to schedule out blocks of time to focus on, say, cooking or a craft or my blog.  And I do a really good job at being present with my activity at these times.

But kids don't ever multi-task and they don't schedule out their activities.  They find a worm and stay with it for hours.  They inspect and savor their cereal.  They create a fantasy land out of a box for 7 hours on a Saturday.  They are swept up in the moment.  That is what separates them from most adults.

And I figured out why they can do it and we can't.  Fear of consequences.

As adults we are full of fear about the consequences of our actions.  If we sit down right now to have a cup of tea and finish this book, dinner won't be on the table on time.  If we decide to go to bed early beacuse we are tired and don't pay the Amex bill tonight, our credit score will go down.  If we don't skip going to the park for a run on this beautiful day and get to the store right now to buy a card for Aunt Millie's birthday, we are going to be on her shit list for an entire year.  Few of us ever really enjoy the impromptu moment because we are worried about the consequences.

Most of the consequences we fear are not natural ones.  The ones that cause physical pain or death.  The consequences we fear are taught and they are usually limiting beliefs that we need to resolve.  So what if dinner is on the table a little late?  So what if we are late on one bill?  So what if we don't meet Aunt Millie's expectations?  Nobody is going to be injured or become sick or starve or be without air, water and shelter, or die.

Children have no fear of consequences.  Until we help them set up limiting beliefs that create them.    We teach them that they can't have fun until their room is clean.  We teach them that in order to eat ice cream they need to eat their bowl of peas.  We teach them that brushing their teeth and getting dressed is more important than playing fairy with their sister.

I want my children and myself to be safe.  I am all for giving my own consequences for things that cause physical pain or death because I would rather issue a time out as a consequence for running across the street without looking instead of nature issuing a car hitting  my child.

I want my children and I to be respectful and kind. But I don't believe issuing consequences when we are not actually helps any of us learn to embody those traits.  There are better ways to accomplish this.

I want my children and myself to have joy and be present in the moment. So I need to stop creating fear of  these artificial consequences.  I need to stop helping my children create limiting beliefs and I need to let go of a few of my own.

Now back to my experiment of behaving like a child!

YOUR TURN
The next time you refuse to let yourself enjoy the present moment and you fear a consequence, ask yourself if it impacts your safety or if it goes against your desire to be a kind and respectful person.  If it doesn't, ask yourself what you are afraid of and figure out how to let go of it.

As a secondary activity, think about the same stuff when you are spewing out consequences for your kids.


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I Have a Sense of Entitlement ...What Does Your South Node Say About You?


In astrology, where your South Node was at the time of your birth tells you what your challenge in life is going to be.  It is basically the bad habit that you return to when you feel challenged.  It is the thing you need to move away from.

My South Node is in Leo.  I have a sense of entitlement.  I was a little surprised when I learned this because I am a pretty shy person who likes to avoid negative feelings and almost always gives in to others.  After giving it some thought, I realized that a sense of entitlement is exactly what my greatest challenge is.  Just because I don't shout from the roof about myself and my ideas or battle someone over my opinion does not mean that I don't think my self, my ideas and my opinions aren't the right ones.  After much time and reflection I have realized that I want to be loved the way I want to be loved, I want the house cleaned up the way I want  it cleaned, I want my clients to love every cake I make, I want everyone to say "I like the one you like".  And when they don't, I get cranky.  I feel entitled.  I expect everyone to change reality to meet my expectations.  Or I should say that I did.

I have become more mindful of this sense of entitlement.  I try not to judge.  I accept that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have been given.  I attempt to share my opinion without being attached to the outcome.  Being mindful of this sense of entitlement has made a huge impact on my journey in this life.  I guess knowing really IS half the battle!

YOUR TURN
What is your challenge?

Figure out your South Node.  I like Astrolabe.  Just type in the date, time and location of your birth and they will tell you where all the planets were when you were born and what that means to your personality.

Next, learn about the challenges that come with the sign your South Node is in.  I love the explanations from Raging Universe (except they are missing Aquarius and Pisces).

If your South Node is  in...

Now think about what you have learned.  Do you recognize your gut reaction now?  And what steps can you take on the journey to break free?

If you are curious about where you are headed you will need to wait to read about your North Node!

Saturday, January 26, 2013

"Everyone is Doing the Best They Can With What They Have Been Given"


"Everyone is Doing the Best They Can With What They Have Been Given"

I can't remember where I read that.  But it is probably the only quote I have ever committed to memory.

It has helped me to deal with my children and my mother and irrational friends and inattentive lovers and bad drivers.

It has eliminated any need in my life for gossip or hostility.  Because how can you be mad at someone who is trying their best?  You have no idea what limiting beliefs and baggage someone is carrying with them that makes them truly unable to remember to brush their teeth or hold their tongue or accept your own limitations or send you a birthday gift or use their turn signal.

Remembering this phrase a dozen times a day has made me a happier, lighter, kinder person.

And what if I remember the phrase and I am still annoyed?  Well, I look at myself and figure out what it is about the reality of the situation that isn't meeting my expectations.  Because everyone is doing the best they can with what they have been given.  Am I?!

YOUR TURN
Next time you find yourself aggravated at someone, remember "everyone is doing the best they can with what they have been given" and see if the bad feelings don't just melt away.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Sun trine Jupiter ... Where is Your Great Opportunity?



Today the Sun in Aquarius trines Jupiter in Gemini.  The Sun is the planet of self or soul and Jupiter is the planet of opportunity.  Aquarius is all about inspiration and purpose and Gemini is about information and choices .  When planets are are in a trine formation it is a great time to manifest the things you want in that area of your life..

So this combination says to me that today there are opportunities (Jupiter).  They could be opportunities that you will learn about or need to choose from (Gemini) that inspire (Aquarius) your soul (the Sun).  Or they could be opportunities that come from your soul (the Sun) for you to communicate to others (Gemini) as a means to inspire them (Aquarius) from your soul (the Sun).

As a Virgo, Gemini is my house of career and Aquarius is my house of well being (work and health).  So I am looking at great career opportunities.  The inspiration is around work and health.  So I have been mulling around that it is a great day to tune into inspirations that will come to me about my business and that it is also a great day for me to inspire others about my business.  And I wonder if the health part doesn't have something to do with this darn cast that is interfering with my being able to decorate cakes and that my inspiring others needs a new and creative spin that I can find if I dig deep in my soul.  I am going to mull it over a bit more and since the energy of manifesting is to commune with the universe to make things happen I will spend some time making my intentions clear.

YOUR TURN
Since the trine is about manifesting, take some time today to think about what this means for you and either ask the universe to guide you or clearly state your plans. Then watch and listen for the signs and messages that will guide you.


The area that the opportunity will be visible depends on the what houses Gemini and Aquarius are for you.  (Gemini will be the first house listed and Aquarius the second) ...



Aries (born 3/21 - 4/20)  The focus is exchanging information and sense of inner purpose.
Taurus (born 4/21 - 5/21) The focus is on what makes you feel secure (money, self worth) and career.
Gemini (born 5/22 - 6/21)  The focus is on your self and broadening your horizons.
Cancer (born 6/22 - 7/22) The focus is soul growth and intimacy.
Leo (born 7/23 - 8/21)  The focus is on sense of inner purpose and partnerships.
Virgo (born 8/22 - 9/23)  The focus is on your career and well being (work, health).
Libra (born 9/24 - 10/23)   The focus is on broadening your horizons and creativity.
Scorpio (born 10/24 - 11/22)   The focus is on intimacy and your roots (family, past lives).
Sagittarius (born 11/23 - 12/22)  The focus is on partnerships and exchange of information..
Capricorn (born 12/23 - 1/20) The focus is on well being (work, health) and what makes you feel secure (money, self worth).
Aquarius (born 1/21 - 2/19) The focus is on your creativity and your self/soul.
Pisces (born 2/20 - 3/20)  The focus is your roots (family, past lives) and soul growth..

Feel free to email me if you want some guidance!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Be Present with The Moment and Your Emotions...Be a Child!

I read a great blog post the other day by Be Quoted.  She observed how her toddler daughter interacted with her husband and decided that maybe she should incorporate some of her daughters behaviors into her own interaction with her husband.  She thought about things like running to the door, screaming his name when he came home or grabbing his hand when they were out for a walk.  She thought about being totally present in her emotion and the moment when she was with her husband, just like her daughter did. 

I totally loved the idea of taking lessons from my kids about life.   So I observed them today.

They woke up and one snuggled in bed to finish reading a book and the other went off to pet each of the four cats.  Neither of them wondered if they had time to do a load of laundry before getting everyone ready.

They took 40 minutes to eat their cereal.  They looked at it and talked about it and ate only as much as they needed to feel full.  Nobody gulped down massive spoonfuls of yogurt without breathing.

They picked  out their clothes in crazy and colorful and comfy combinations.  Neither of them gave a single consideration to fat jeans.

When we went paint pottery this afternoon they picked items and colors that they loved.  Nobody picked a plate because it was useful or miss green because it went with their dining room decor.

Now they are in ballet and they are spinning and pointing and swaying with an appreciation for technique but mostly wrapped in the fun of the movement.  They are not running for 20 minutes on a treadmill to get in their daily cardio.

What did I learn from this observation?   I guess it would be that it is clear that being present in the moment means behaving like a child.  So  I am going to do an experiment next week and give it a try.  I am going to do what I want and act how I feel and see if my family and I can survive a week of my childhood!  As an adult who is responsible for the care and feeding of others, I wonder how much you can behave like a child while still keeping everyone from being naked or dead.  I guess we will find out!

YOUR TURN
Try it with me.  Spend next week behaving like a child.  Let's check in next week and see how we did!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Shame.... Catering to What You Think Others Expect.



Shame.  What did you feel when you heard that word?  What pictures entered your mind?  What memories did it evoke?  Shame is a powerful word and I think most of us feel it regularly to varying degrees.  And I think you would agree it is an emotion we could all do without.

Over the past few years I have worked on eradicating shame from my life and the life of my children but just last week I had a realization of what shame really is and how to trap it when it sneaks up.  I think it is going to prove a very useful tool on my journey.

I believe shame is when the reality you create does not match the expectations you believe others have for you.

When you show up at the cookie swap with your best attempt at cookies even though you are no baker and you feel ashamed because you think everyone thinks you did a bad job.  When you have a few pounds to lose and you squeeze into the dress you bought and you feel ashamed because you think everyone is looking at you and thinking you are a slob.  When you interview for a job that is a bit of a stretch for you and you feel ashamed because you think the employer is snickering that you are stupid and uneducated. 

So, how do you manage this disconnect between reality and your perceived expectations.  Well, you can adjust one of them.

You can change reality.  You can learn to bake or not go to the swap.  You can lose weight or not go to the party.  You can go back to school or not interview for the job.  Changing reality can be good if you are inspired to make positive changes in your life so that the reality is really good, or bad if you decide to just hide under the covers so nobody sees your reality.  So be careful with this one!

Or you can create your best reality at the moment.  You can pick a simple cookie recipe and give yourself enough time and materials to fix any mistakes.  You can spend some time creating an outfit that makes you feel most comfortable.  You can update your resume to highlight what you can bring to the company.   Don’t compare yourself to others, do the best you can do.  But don’t be lazy just because you don’t think you can ever live up to expectations!

Or you can let go of your perceived expectations and replace them with unconditional love for yourself.  (I call this vulnerability, by the way.)  Be that person who shows up with a bag of Chips Ahoy and a smile.  They love themselves and don’t care that they can’t bake.   Be that person who has 75 pounds to lose and puts on their go-to LBD and lights up the room.  They love themselves and are the most attractive person in the room to everyone else.    Be the person who is unqualified for the job but did their research on the company and the position and is filled with enthusiasm for the things that are out there to learn.  They love themselves and are excited to share what they have to offer even if it is not enough for the position.  I know you know these people!  These people love themselves and they own their reality and are not ruled by others people’s expectations … real or not.

The past year I have been dealing with this a lot at work.  I create a cake and I worry that my client won’t like this or that, I worry that they won’t be impressed and wonder why I am in business, I worry that they won’t feel like they got their monies worth.  So now I stop and I do a lot more planning around my cake so I can create the best reality that I can at the moment.  I make sure I have a clear understanding of what my client is looking for and I have scheduled enough time and I have the right tools and I practice any new techniques.  Then as I am working I do the best job I can by being patient and reworking things as needed.  If I don’t love it, I redo it.  By the time I am done, I LOVE what I have created.  I present my cake with no worries.  And yes, sometimes a client does not like it.  My beautiful reality does not match their expectations.  But I don’t feel shame because I love my reality and was not filled with negative worry about their reaction to my reality and I can happily handle any issues for my client.  

Little by little I am creating my best reality and owning it and I am letting go of perceived expectations and loving myself for what I have created and helping my children do the same.  I hope to replace all of my accumulated years of shame with vulnerability and unconditional love and I hope that my kids will too.

YOUR TURN:
The next time you are worried about what someone will think, stop!

Identify the reality of the situation and identify what expectations you are perceiving that others will have.  Write them down.

List some ways that you can make the reality the best YOU can.  Be creative!  It is great to have some long term goals in here but really focus on the short term, the present moment.

Now go and create the best reality you can … love it and own it!

Let go of the expectations you think others have.  Fill yourself with love so there is no room for fear.  Get yourself excited about the event and let it shine. 

Did you worry so much about what you thought other people were thinking?  Did you feel shame?  Or were you filled with love and happy? 

Now, keep practicing!



Thursday, January 17, 2013

Focusing On The Day ... Air, Water, Earth, Light


Every morning I wake up and look out the front door.

And I observe the air, the water, the earth and the light.  Is there a breeze?  What are the waves like?  Is the grass dewy?  Is the sun peeking through the trees?  I almost write a poem in my head.

When I first started doing this mindfullness exercise each morning I thought that this must be how observant great writers are all the time because of the way they are able to describe a setting to the most tiny detail.  I liked being about to get that intimate with my environment and that focused on the present moment.

YOUR TURN
Wake up tomorrow and look out the window.  What is the air doing?  How does the water look?  What is happening with the earth?  What about the light?

Now do it again tomorrow!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Venus conjunct Pluto ... I Got a Cast on My Hand. What Part of Your Life Will Be Transformed?



Yesterday I ended up in a cast on my right arm.  A torn ligament from snow boarding over New Year's.  This puts a whole new spin on my plans for the next six weeks.

You see, I am a huge believer in astrology.  Not the crap you read in your daily horoscope but in actually looking at the relationships of the planets and what they mean to me.  I use the information to set goals and focus and to help explain some unfortunate or irritating circumstances.

Today Venus is conjunct Pluto in Capricorn.  Venus is the planet or attraction and Pluto is the planet of transformation.  Capricorn is the sign of logic and authority and discipline.  When planets are conjunct they bring intense energy.

So this combination says to me that there are some big changes coming and they will be brought forth with little wiggle room.

Capricorn happens to be my 5th House of Creativity.  This is where your hobbies and passions live.  So I would expect to see some big changes in what brings me passion and how I express my creativity.

Hence the cast.  It will change my ability to decorate cakes (which happens to be my job as well as my passion),  my use of the computer, my constant cleaning and organizing, dance.  All sorts of things that I thought were my passion are being reset.  I need to dig deep and figure out what I am passionate enough about to work hard at because the cast is very limiting.  I will be forced to slow down and perhaps read more or take long walks.

I have only been in the cast for a day but I have already looked closely at the cake decorating aspect of my life.  I have realized that the cleanup and the baking part of my job don't carry enough love for me to jump through hoops so I have brought on someone to  help.  But the decorating part is really my passion and I have decided to figure out how to complete 5 display cakes this month for a bridal show because I will enjoy the work even if it is hard and takes me 10 times longer than normal.

I can' wait to see what else transforms for me about what I truly love!

YOUR TURN
Figure out where your big changes are coming based on what house the planets are in.  Then embrace the transformation and attraction that is happening there.


Aries (born 3/21 - 4/20)  The focus is on career.
Taurus (born 4/21 - 5/21) The focus is on journey and broadening your horizons ... teachers, mentors, travel.
Gemini (born 5/22 - 6/21)  The focus is on your personal vulnerability... shared things, emotional intimacy, sexual relations.
Cancer (born 6/22 - 7/22) The focus is on partnerships.
Leo (born 7/23 - 8/21)  The focus is on well being ... work, home, health.
Virgo (born 8/22 - 9/23)  The focus is on your passion .. your true loves, your creativity, your hobbies.
Libra (born 9/24 - 10/23)   The focus is on your roots and family.
Scorpio (born 10/24 - 11/22)   The focus is on exchanging information ... communicating, sharing, learning.
Sagittarius (born 11/23 - 12/22)  The focus is on your own resources .. your self worth, your possessions, your security.
Capricorn (born 12/23 - 1/20) The focus is on your self.
Aquarius (born 1/21 - 2/19) The focus is on your soul growth.
Pisces (born 2/20 - 3/20)  The focus is your inner purpose .. wishes, dreams.



Sunday, January 13, 2013

Sadhana ... Or What To Do While You Wait for the Coffee to Brew


In Sanskrit, sadhana literally means "accomplishing something".   

I think the most important thing that we all need to accomplish in life is learning to listen to ourselves. If you can hear what is truly going on in your heart and mind and soul,  great health, strong energy, positive relationships, career opportunities, happiness, and anything else you desire is your for the taking.

A sadhana is a spiritual practice that will guide you in accomplishing this level of intimacy with yourself.  It is something you do each morning when you wake to prepare yourself for the day and for life.  

There are plenty of structured sadhana's that tell you what time to practice and for how long and exactly what to do.  Most sadhanas are heavily loaded with yoga and breathing and chanting and meditation.  I love all of those things but not every day.  Over the years I developed my own sadhana practice based on what brings me in greatest touch with myself without even knowing what I was doing and it is now so essential to my being that I am all off balance for the day if I don't have the opportunity to practice.  

My practice begins at 4:30 AM with a cold diet coke from the fridge and a seat on the couch.
I spend a few minutes thinking of 5 things I am grateful for from yesterday.  This year I have actually bought a journal to record them in.
Then I take a look at the planetary alignments and make note of any opportunities I would like to take advantage of today or any challenges I should prepare myself to work through.
I meditate on, or I journal about, a challenge I am having or a goal I am working on.
I do 20 minutes of yoga.
I wrap up with another diet coke and a check in on Facebook, my email and my blog.
Then off to take a shower.

My practice might be a little un-traditional but it works for me!  I do the same thing each morning and it grounds me and energizes me and helps me both along my journey in life and out the front door to face the day.

YOUR TURN
Time to create your own sadhana!  Feel free to start small if you wish, just practice in the time it takes to brew your morning coffee!

Set aside a time a place for yourself.  I suggest you do this before the rest of the household wakes up.

Start with one thing that will help you accomplish a deeper relationship with yourself.  Maybe it will be 3 minutes of meditation or 10 minutes of stretching or a half hour of study on an enlightening topic.  

Once you are in the routine, add on more items to your practice.  

Don't be afraid to practice things that seem unusual but help you feel grounded.  Perhaps watering the plants or petting the dog.

Namaste!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The Way We Were ... When My Wii Thought I Was 24 Years Younger!


Two Christmases ago we got a Wii.  And we all set ourselves up on Wii Fit.  And I gloated and paraded around because my Wii Fit age was 29.  And I was 40.

Today I hopped on the Wii Fit and it told me I was 53.  Yikes!  But sadly I was not surprised.

I have spent the past year putting off dealing with the 20 pounds I have put on.  Last year I opened a cake design studio and working full time has taken it's toll on my exercise regiment and my meal prep.  Even though I exercise a few times a week and don't eat any processed foods and eat my full servings of veggies each day, that toll added up to 20 pounds.  I knew they were there but I kept figuring that they would come off.  I figured they were there by mistake.  But on Christmas my entire family decided to do a weight loss challenge and saying my weight out loud made it sink in that I needed to be more aggressive.  That and the fact that when I said I needed to lose 20 pounds my mother yelled out, "At Least!!!!".

Now, I am not one for fad diets or gym memberships.  I need to eat and exercise because I love it, not because I am afraid of the 20 pounds.  So I spent today trying to remember what I loved about my food and exercise when I was 20 pounds lighter.  I wanted to go back to the way I was!

Here are the things I came up with ...

1. I ate less meat and more dairy.  I somehow got "dairy is bad for you" stuck in my head last year but I know that when I eat a dairy meal I feel 10 times better than when I have a meal with any sort of animal protein.  I NEED TO LISTEN TO MY BODY AND NOT MY FRIENDS!

2.  I exercised every day and on the days I took off I was cranky because I needed to exercise.  Now, I am not a person who works out 2 hours a day, I am talking 20 minutes of belly dancing or yoga or walking to work with a day or two a week of an hour long dance class.  But it was a 20 minute habit that my body craved!  I NEED TO CREATE THAT GOOD HABIT AGAIN EVEN IF I HAVE TO DRAG MYSELF FOR THE FIRST 30 DAYS UNTIL THE HABIT TAKES ROOT.

3.  I cooked lunch for myself every day at home and dinner for my family every night.  My youngest was in half day preschool and the afternoon loomed long after 11:30 pickup.  I had plenty of time to prepare a delicious, healthy lunch.... kale with white beans, corn and mushroom crostini, a salad with 15 crunchy and chewy and salty things in it.  And my kids were too young for evening activities so I was home by 3 working on dinner.  But even though I still use healthy ingredients and techniques today, cooking is no longer a joy, it is a necessity. I NEED TO LOVE MAKING MY FOOD AGAIN AND MAKE TIME FOR IT.

Now on to figuring out how to get back to the way I was while living the life I have now!  Stay tuned.  I am sure there will be more on this topic!!!

YOUR TURN:
Is there something in your life that has gone downhill recently?  Your health?  Your marriage?  Your job?

Think back to when you were in love with it.

What's different now?   How can you get back there while being where you are now?



Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Grown Up Tantrums ... When Expectations Don't Match Reality



Have you ever noticed how two people can be faced with a situation and one person views it as good and one person has a tantrum?  I had an epiphany the other day that the person having the tantrum had expectations that were not met by reality.  The person who is moving along swimmingly knew how to let go of their expectations, accept reality and live in the present moment.

So how do you become the person who accepts reality and stop all of those nasty temper tantrums?  Well, you need to resolve the conflict between reality and your expectations.

Over the holidays I had some perfect practice.  I sent a special friend a Christmas gift.  And I heard nothing back.  And that situation made me feel really bad.  Why do I continue being friends with this person?  Why can't they just appreciate me?  How can I make them feel bad for how they treat me?

I looked at myself and recognized that my expectation was that the person would call and thank me or would have sent me a gift also or that I would have at least gotten a "happy holiday" email.  My expectations did not match up with the reality of the situation and that got me annoyed and feeling really negative.

I looked at my options ... I could let go of my expectations, I could address my expectations with my friend or I could try to change reality.

I could change reality by not sending a gift in the future.  But well, I love selecting the perfect gift for someone and sharing it with them so this was not a great fit for me.  (However I recently decided to change reality in another situation.  My expectation is that we can get out of the house in time for school but reality is that my kids take soooo long picking out shoes.  So I changed reality by having them pick out their shoes the night before and placing them in front of the door!)

I thought about letting the person know that I was disappointed that my expectations were not met but I decided this was a situation where I really needed to work on me, not them.  (Perhaps if the situation is when I expect my husband to put his shoes away and the reality is that I trip on them heading to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I might share my disappointment!)

I choose letting it go.  I can't say that I loved the reality of the situation but after recognizing why I was feeling so negative I was able to let it go and just focus on the fact that I love this person and it made me feel good to select and share a gift with them.

YOUR TURN:
When you start to become filled with negative emotions about a situation (aka about to have a temper tantru,), stop and ask yourself what you were expecting to happen and what really is happening.

Now. decide if you can let go of your expectations or if you need to address your expectations with the person or perhaps even if you can change the reality.

Tip for parents ... this works with grumpy kids to.  They are grumpy because their expectations are not met by reality....  they thought they would be able to stay up and watch TV but bedtime is enforces, they thought they were going to go swing on the swings but someone else is there, they thought they would enjoy their lollipop but it fell in the dirt.  Help them recognize this and work through it.

Good luck!