Remember my experiment from last week? How I was going to behave like a child? Because children are so present in the moment.
Well, my experiment failed miserably. I managed to throw a few brilliant temper tantrums due to my cast but that was as close as I got to being like a child.
Look, I have learned, after many years of practice, to be present in the moment. I have stopped multi-tasking so I can really place my attention on one thing and I try to schedule out blocks of time to focus on, say, cooking or a craft or my blog. And I do a really good job at being present with my activity at these times.
But kids don't ever multi-task and they don't schedule out their activities. They find a worm and stay with it for hours. They inspect and savor their cereal. They create a fantasy land out of a box for 7 hours on a Saturday. They are swept up in the moment. That is what separates them from most adults.
And I figured out why they can do it and we can't. Fear of consequences.
As adults we are full of fear about the consequences of our actions. If we sit down right now to have a cup of tea and finish this book, dinner won't be on the table on time. If we decide to go to bed early beacuse we are tired and don't pay the Amex bill tonight, our credit score will go down. If we don't skip going to the park for a run on this beautiful day and get to the store right now to buy a card for Aunt Millie's birthday, we are going to be on her shit list for an entire year. Few of us ever really enjoy the impromptu moment because we are worried about the consequences.
Most of the consequences we fear are not natural ones. The ones that cause physical pain or death. The consequences we fear are taught and they are usually limiting beliefs that we need to resolve. So what if dinner is on the table a little late? So what if we are late on one bill? So what if we don't meet Aunt Millie's expectations? Nobody is going to be injured or become sick or starve or be without air, water and shelter, or die.
Children have no fear of consequences. Until we help them set up limiting beliefs that create them. We teach them that they can't have fun until their room is clean. We teach them that in order to eat ice cream they need to eat their bowl of peas. We teach them that brushing their teeth and getting dressed is more important than playing fairy with their sister.
I want my children and myself to be safe. I am all for giving my own consequences for things that cause physical pain or death because I would rather issue a time out as a consequence for running across the street without looking instead of nature issuing a car hitting my child.
I want my children and I to be respectful and kind. But I don't believe issuing consequences when we are not actually helps any of us learn to embody those traits. There are better ways to accomplish this.
I want my children and myself to have joy and be present in the moment. So I need to stop creating fear of these artificial consequences. I need to stop helping my children create limiting beliefs and I need to let go of a few of my own.
Now back to my experiment of behaving like a child!
YOUR TURN
The next time you refuse to let yourself enjoy the present moment and you fear a consequence, ask yourself if it impacts your safety or if it goes against your desire to be a kind and respectful person. If it doesn't, ask yourself what you are afraid of and figure out how to let go of it.
As a secondary activity, think about the same stuff when you are spewing out consequences for your kids.
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