Thursday, September 27, 2018

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Weekly Podcast: An Interview About My Book

Being interviewed about my upcoming book.  
Check out what it's about!

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

"Untangled" ... Insight Into the Mind of Your Teen Daughter

I have to admit that my two daughters are really pretty easy.
They are good students, they are kind, they follow our guidelines, we don't have crazy fights.

But even so, there are moments I just don't get them. 
And moments that I wonder if my expectations are out of whack.

"Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood" by Lisa Damour really helped me to understand them and to set my expectations in a more appropriate place.



Lisa starts with explaining how kids part from their childhood. 
It was so helpful to understand how the same kid can act 30 and 6 in the same day!  How they can take themselves to the mall and shop for makeup but play at the playground the next day.  How they can manage to build themselves a website but can't order a pizza.

Then we move on to understanding their association with their "tribe".
This was a big one.  Understanding the dynamics of those girl groups was eye-opening.  We all know we need our tribe.  And girls that age are sorting theirs out.  Their tribe moves from being you to their friends.  And navigating that world is important to them.  

Understanding how they deal with emotions was a particularly helpful one for my household.
Learning that the girls hold it together in the outside world and then dump it all on you because you are safe gave me the ability to be so much more compassionate with them instead of berating them for being so much nicer to others then they sometimes are to me.

Lisa explains how teen girls are changing how they view adults.  
How adults go from all-powerful to just human.  And how we as parents need to adapt to this change in them by being more open and honest about our own mistakes and flaws.  How we can't just use "Because I said so!" anymore.

The book also touches on schoolwork, romance, drugs, and alcohol.

This was a must read for every parent who wants a deeper insight into what is going on with their teenage daughter and who wants to build a healthier relationship.
Thanks Lisa Damour for sharing your years of knowledge.



Sunday, September 16, 2018

Weekly Podcast: Enjoy School Again

An interview with author and coach, Pascale, from enjoyschoolagain.com.


Thursday, September 13, 2018

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

12 Week Fall "Giving" Challenge


In the fall I focus on gratitude and sharing my gifts.
This year, I am offering you the opportunity to give along with me by joining my 12 Week Fall "Giving" Challenge!



Some challenges will involve cleaning out your stuff and donating it.
Other challenges will involve sharing your gifts with others.  
None of the challenges will require you to spend any money!
It is all about giving what you already have.

Each email will include a short gratitude exercise.

The first email will arrive on September 22 and we will finish up on December 15.


Each email arriving on Saturday morning will be a quick suggestion of what to do that week.


Looking forward to embracing this season of giving with you!




Tuesday, September 11, 2018

How 9/11 Changed My Life

As many of you know, I am writing a book encouraging young adults to lead an exceptional life by discovering their authentic self and setting their own unique direction.

I am writing this book because for many years I lived a life that was not my own.
9/11 made me realize that the only life I could live was one that was aligned with my true self.
Here is an excerpt from my upcoming book, "The Strange Pull of What You Really Love".


That Big Mistake? I Made It.


For years I had no idea who I really was.  I made choices about college and career based on what other people told me was good for me.  What other people told me I could have and couldn’t have. What made other people happy. And I was mediocre at all I did , both in what I provided to others and my own joy in life.  I was living a mediocre life that was not my own.

When I was where you are now, I had no idea who I was or the direction I wanted to follow. It had been lost, erased when I was little. I followed my parents and teachers desire that I study engineering because I was so good at math (and a girl, to boot!) and got a job as a computer programmer.
These were not my dreams, they belonged to someone else. I got no joy from what I studied in college. I barely graduated with a dismal GPA because for 4 years I sat in lecture halls listening to people talk about things that I could have cared less about. I could not make heads or tails of what I was meant to be learning because I wasn’t at all interested. I got even less joy from my job writing programs for an investment bank. I had zero interest in financial services and even less in COBOL (that is a really old programming language that I really hope nobody uses anymore!).
Now, don’t get me wrong, I had a “good” life. A decent salary. Friends. Great shoes. A nice apartment. Parties every weekend. A vacation every year. But in reality, all that did not make up for living a bland existence for 90% of my waking hours.

And in my 30s I got a wake up call and I realized I wanted more. The tragedy of 9/11 happened. There was so much loss here in NY. Employees of my company, kids from my town, a boy I had a crush on. I returned to work in a daze a few days later. Heartbroken like everyone else. But on that day I got word that an old friend had died on the top floors of the North Tower. I cried my eyes out as I remembered his beautiful soul. He lived upstairs from me. Every night I could hear the whine of his Ducati motorcycle as he pulled in front of the building and I grabbed two glasses of wine and met him on the roof. He met me up there and pulled out his favorite cigar. Peter loved life. He was passionate about his job in banking. He could go on for an hour in excited tones about something that happened that day. He was always home by 7 because life was not all work. He rode his motorcycle the 100 or so blocks to to work in custom suits that he loved. He loved reading the classics and cooking fabulous meals and Sunday brunch. He lived a life that made him excited to get out of bed each day.
As I was remembering Peter, the managing partner of our company ran past my office calmly explaining that there had been a bomb threat. There were many after 9/11 in NYC. I left my office with my heart in my throat and Peter in my mind and as I moved with the masses down what seemed like an endless 9 flights of emergency stairs, I realized that each day is precious. I can still hear the click, click, click of my heels on the stairs and I can still remember thinking that if this was my last day on earth, I had not lived it the way I wanted. But Peter had. Even though his life was ended way too early, I know that each day for him was exceptional. And I was spending each precious day bored and not contributing to the world in the best way I could.
I quit a short time later and started my journey of discovering myself.

I began searching for something more. I dug deep inside and found my authentic self… what I loved, what made me happy, how I wanted to impact the world, what I was good at, and what made me feel accomplished. I discovered how I could put these parts of myself together to create a unique direction for my life. I studied Buddhism, the human mind, energy medicine, and self- development until I understood how to create an exceptional life that supported my unique direction.

I am so grateful that I discovered that we each CAN have the exceptional life I described.  We don’t have to choose to be mediocre.
Some other people aren’t that lucky!

Thursday, September 6, 2018

Success is All About Character

A couple of years ago I stumbled upon Benjamin Franklin's 13 Virtues and my life was forever changed.



Ben's 13 Virtues

Benjamin Franklin identified 13 characteristics that he felt he needed to be successful in life.  Each week he focused on a different characteristic to learn more about it and focus on incorporating it more fully into his life.

Ben's 13 Virtues were ...
Temperance. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
Silence. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
Order. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
Resolution. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
Frugality. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
Industry. Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
Sincerity. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
Justice. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
Moderation. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
Cleanliness. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.
Tranquillity. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
Chastity. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
Humility. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.


Success and Character
Spending some time thinking about this list and the practice of embracing one at a time continually over a lifetime brought me to the realization that success is achieved not by what you "have" over your lifetime, but by how well you achieve "being" in each of the characteristics you deem important.
Being in a characteristic is having character.
Success is all about character.

What Does Character Mean to You?
Not everyone finds that the same characteristics speak to them.
And that is a beautiful think because the world would be pretty boring if we were all alike. 
The key is to understand what characteristics you would like to focus on in your life.  To understand what feels successful to you.

I happen to have like Ben's list but it wasn't quite right for me.
I spent a lot of time thinking about what my ideal self would look like and came up with ...
Determined.
Observant.
Kind.
Vulnerable.
Joyful.

We each need to develop our own list.  The list of characteristics that we strive to grow in.  The list of characteristics that, when achieved to a great degree, will make us feel successful.

I encourage you to spend some time coming up with your own list of what is important.  Ben's is a great starting point because it really does cover much of human nature.  
Look at each of his virtues and picture yourself achieving success in that area.   What does it look like to you?  What is important to you? 
Also picture what disgusts or angers you in each area.  How can you achieve the opposite?
Then look at everything you discovered about what character means to you and come up with your own list.
Write it down.  Keep it with you.  Make it your wallpaper on your phone.  Design a water bottle with it written on there.

Your list will be different from everyone else's. 
Which is why we often find conflict with others.  Why we find it hard to work on a team with certain people.  Why we become frustrated with our kids.  Why we have arguments over politics.  
We are all operating with different characteristics in mind.  Each of of us trying to achieve success in different characteristics.
Nobody is wrong.  Just different.

Living a Successful Life
Discovering what characteristics make you feel successful is only part of the journey.  Next you have to live them!
Ben focused on his one week per characteristic.
I decided to focus on mine every day by creating a journal listing each of my characteristics and spending some time each day writing about how I had grown in each area or where I was struggling. 
It was a great help keeping me focused.

You might find your sweet spot somewhere else, but I really encourage you to come up with a plan that suits you for keeping your focus on your character.


Wishing you much success! 


Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Don't Be Interesting. Be Interested.

Don't be interesting. Be interesting.
I read that somewhere long ago.  And it changed my life.



For as long as I could remember, I spent most of a conversation trying to think about what I would say next.  A witty comment. A story of my own. I was only catching words here and there so that I could tie in something that I wanted to say.  I waited anxiously to interject something that made it all about me. Something that made me interesting.

I spent absolutely no time listening.  No time learning. No time actually having a conversation.

And then I read that life-changing statement, “Don’t be interesting.  Be interested.”.

And I thought, “Wow.  That is the exact opposite of what I do.”  So I made it a daily practice to repeat the statement a few times a day.  And to live it.

My first few conversations were pretty one-sided.  I spent a lot of time alternating between saying “Be interested.” to myself and trying really hard to listen to what the other person was saying.  

But after a few days I found I was listening without the reminder and I was hearing.  And I was able to ask questions. I was able to actually be interested. The answer to each question encouraged me to ask another and another.

It was amazing.  I was actually interested!  And I found that after each conversation where I spent my time learning about someone or something else, I was much happier than when I had conversations where all I did was try to talk about myself.  I had always thought that I got the greatest joy from hearing someone's appreciation of something cool or interesting that I had done or could teach them. But that wasn't the greatest joy. The greatest joy comes from learning from someone else or appreciating what they are sharing.  It comes from being interested.

So next time you are having a conversation, remember to be interested, not interesting.

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Monday, September 3, 2018

Book Giveaway!

"The Strange Pull of What You Really Love", a book encouraging young adults to live an exceptional life by discovering their authentic self and unique direction, will be released in February!



I will be giving away 3 copies of the book when it is published and would love for YOU to get one!
Three readers will be selected at random on February 9, 2019 to receive a signed copy of the book.
There are a few ways to enter! 




Contents of the book will include ...

I. Know What Kind of Life You Want
You Need Help ...Really, You Do!
An Exceptional Life Comes from Living Your Own Truth

II. The Un-Truths We Have Been Told
You Don't Need to Know What You Want
You Are Expected to Be Mediocre
Mediocre is Okay
Life is a Struggle
But, There is a Better Way!

III. Discover Your Authentic Self
Passion
Talent
Impact
Success
Happiness
Your Authentic Self

IV. Follow Your Own Unique Direction
Do Away With Resistance
Know That Education is Not One Size Fits All
It's the Journey, Not the Destination
Don’t Be Afraid to Change Direction

V. Live An Exceptional Life
Make Fearless Choices
Embrace the Plot Twist
Life is a Web, Not a Ladder
Be Grateful
Listen to Yourself
Live Soul, Mind and Body
Find Your Tribe
Seek Out a Mentor

VI. If You Are Not Ready