Don't Be Interesting. Be Interested.

Don't be interesting. Be interesting.

I read that somewhere long ago.  And it changed my life.

For as long as I could remember, I spent most of a conversation trying to think about what I would say next.  A witty comment. A story of my own. I was only catching words here and there so that I could tie in something that I wanted to say.  I waited anxiously to interject something that made it all about me. Something that made me interesting.

I spent absolutely no time listening.  No time learning. No time actually having a conversation.

And then I read that life-changing statement, “Don’t be interesting.  Be interested.”.

And I thought, “Wow.  That is the exact opposite of what I do.”  So I made it a daily practice to repeat the statement a few times a day.  And to live it.

My first few conversations were pretty one-sided.  I spent a lot of time alternating between saying “Be interested.” to myself and trying really hard to listen to what the other person was saying.  

But after a few days I found I was listening without the reminder and I was hearing.  And I was able to ask questions. I was able to actually be interested. The answer to each question encouraged me to ask another and another.

It was amazing.  I was actually interested!  And I found that after each conversation where I spent my time learning about someone or something else, I was much happier than when I had conversations where all I did was try to talk about myself.  I had always thought that I got the greatest joy from hearing someone's appreciation of something cool or interesting that I had done or could teach them. But that wasn't the greatest joy. The greatest joy comes from learning from someone else or appreciating what they are sharing.  It comes from being interested.

So next time you are having a conversation, remember to be interested, not interesting.