Thursday, August 30, 2018

When You Think Your Passion Doesn't Count

We have a family friend who is a junior in high school.  She is very smart, attending an elite technology high school.  She is very involved with her community, working closely with the youth group at her church.  She has lots of extracurriculars, dancing and the playing harp. But the thing she loves the very best of all is her summer camp.



She goes to a good old-fashioned summer camp for a month each summer.  She does archery and goes hiking and builds campfires. She sleeps in a cabin, makes friendship bracelets and has color wars.  And for the 11 months of the year that she is not in camp, she talks about camp. First, she talks about what she did at camp and the people at camp and the food at camp and the interesting bugs at camp.  Then as we get close to the time of year she heads back to camp, the conversation turns to her excitement about what will happen at camp in the coming year and who will be there and what cabin she will be in and what activities she will sign up for.

This year, as she was telling me all about camp, she also told me she was really happy that she could go back next summer.  Because she had planned not to return. I was surprised but she told me it was not because she didn't like it but because she needed to spend her time on things that would look good on a college application.  But luckily she found out that being a counselor in training would be worth 200 hours of community service and that would look good on her application. So now she could go.

That was a crazy statement, to me.  
To not do something that you loved because it wouldn’t “count”.     

What really counts is doing things that you love so that you are inspired to learn as much as you can and build your skills.
What counts is that you can be with other people who challenge you in areas that you love.  
What counts is that you can be immersed enough in something to be creative and change the world.

What counts is standing out. In college admissions and in life.
And you stand out far more when you are passionate about something a little quirky than you do when you are apathetic about something you are told you should do.

So pick what you love. Do it. Stand out.

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Weekly Podcast: You Create the Meaning

Have you ever noticed how two people can see the same situation entirely differently?

That's because you create the meaning!


Monday, August 27, 2018

Working with the Seasons for Personal Growth

I love a good solstice or equinox.
And for years I have tried to incorporate the energy of the seasons into my life.
This year I started to use the energy to support my personal growth.




Spring
The spring equinox falls on March 21 and marks a day of rebirth.
From this point until the summer solstice, you are growing into a maiden.
It is a time or play and energy.  
It is a season of preparation.
And for me it is a season to clean and repair.

In the past I used to get all of my spring cleaning done on the equinox but now I like to tackle little projects every day of this season.  
Washing windows and curtains.  Trimming the trees.  Touching up paint.
I buy new journals and cleanse my crystals.  I do an energy cleansing for each room.
It is an industrious time that use to get everything in order for the next season.

Summer
The summer solstice falls on June 21 and marks a day of power.
From this point until the fall equinox, you are growing into a mother.
It is a time of discovering your place in the world.
It is a season of growth.
And for me it is a season to learn.

I make it a goal during this season to read of take a class every single day.
I always have a book with me and a list of podcasts ready for a walk and I sign up for a few in person and online classes.
It is one of my favorite times of the year because I let myself make my growth a priority.

Fall
The fall equinox falls on September 21 and marks a day of gratitude.
From this point until the winter solstice, you are growing into a crone.
It is a time of sharing your gifts.
It is a season of thanks.
And for me it is a season to give.

Every day this season, I give something away.  I tackle closets full of clothes and give what we don't need to charity.  I go through books and pass them on to friends who might enjoy them.  I bake cookies for a neighbor.  I donate money and time to good causes.
I especially love this time of year because it really helps me to open my heart extra wide.

Winter
The winter solstice falls on December 21 and marks a day of peace.
From this point until the next spring equinox, you are in a period of death preparing for rebirth.
It is a time for illumination.
It is a season for rest and hibernation.
And for me it is a season to reflect.

During the winter days I cozy up inside and spend extra time meditating and journaling.  
It is such a very peaceful time and makes the winter seem so welcoming.


I love putting my own special twist on the seasons.  It really helps me to invest in myself and reflect on the wonder of our Universe.


Friday, August 24, 2018

Thursday, August 23, 2018

Three New Ways to Think About Money

As my kids get older I find it important to teach them how to think about money.



I grew up in a family who didn't say it outright, but gave off the vibe of "money is the root of all evil" and "money doesn't grow on trees."  We always had just enough.  And that was good.  But never more than we needed.
And my husband grew up in a family that feared not having enough money.  There was always a lack.

Well, I want my kids to grow up to have a healthy attitude about money.  So there are some beliefs I like to share with them about money and "stuff".


#1.  Money is Value
I want my kids to understand that money is just a way of measuring value.
If I provide someone with something that they value, they provide me with money so that I can exchange that for something that I value.  
I can exchange my skills as a baker to someone and then I exchange the money I got for a vacation to Iceland.
And money makes that easier.
Back in the old days I would have had to find someone who was sailing to Iceland and bartered enough baked goods with him to get him to take me on his boat.  That was hard because I need to find someone who has what I want and who wants what I have.
Money makes me able to trade with whoever I want.

I try to help my kids understand when they are buying something, they are agreeing to it's value.  
I want them to ask themselves if it is worth it?  
Could they find something that is a better value for a similar price?
Do they want to exchange their money for ice cream from the small batch shop down the street or for a packaged ice cream sandwich from the convenience store?

#2 What You Buy is For You
Whenever I buy something I ask myself, "Would you still want it if nobody was going to see it?"
I ask this for cars, vacations, clothes, decorative bowls, etc.
If I am buying because it makes my heart sing, then I get it.
I think about having a bowl on the dining room table and never having anyone over for dinner, do I still want it?
I think about driving a new car only on deserted back roads, do I still want it?
I think about going on a vacation and not posting the photos on Facebook, do I still want it?
If I can't, in my heart, answer yes, then I don't buy it.

And I try to help my kids think that way to.  
Do they love that sweater or do they want it because all their friends have it? 
It's hard for kids to separate their soul feelings from their ego ones, but you have to start somewhere so we at least have the conversation.


#3 You Can Choose to Positively Impact Humanity
My first job out of college was all about the money.
I didn't care what I did, all I cared about was the paycheck.  So I could buy things so other people could tell me how awesome they were.
And after a decade, I realized that was a rather vapid existence and I modified my beliefs to buy things I valued (#1) and buy things I loved (#2).  
And I also needed to change my job to do something that mattered.

And I realized that whatever you do or create, you have a choice.  
You can choose to be motivated by money and fame.  
Or you can choose to be motivated by delivering value and service

And I beleive that you can make money either way.
You can create something that other people value and they exchange money for it and you feel good.  And you have done good for humanity.
Or you can market the crap out of something until people give it value because of how they are viewed and they exchange money for it and you are just manipulating people.  
And you have hurt humanity.

Think of how you feel when you go to a restaurant and have the meal of your life versus when you go to a really expensive, trendy restaurant and get served three croutons and slice tom tomatoes for $43 by a cranky waiter.  In one of those situations you have a chef and owner who love cooking for people and who want people to have an amazing experience.  And in the other is a guy who wants to make money off of you.  I want to support the guy, I want to be the guy, who is giving people amazing.

Think about Elon Musk making money and Donald Trump making money.  They both do it.  ONe is motivated by service and value and the other by fame and money.

So I am teaching my kids to figure out what they love to do and what they are good at and how they can positively impact humanity.  I am teaching them to add value to this world we live in, in their own special way.  Not just to bring home a paycheck.


I encourage you take a little time today to consider your beliefs on money!  And start sharing them with your kids.




Monday, August 20, 2018

When You Suck at What You Love

Wouldn't it be great if we were all amazingly talented at what we loved?
If we loved singing and every note came out like Lady Gaga?  Or if our love of baking manifested in a talent like Duff Goldman's?  Or if our passion for writing was paired with a talent like J.K. Rowling?


Well, for some lucky people they are very good at what they love.
Take my oldest daughter, for example.
She loves drawing.  And boy is she talented!
She can look at something and just put it there on a piece of paper.  She works at improving all the time but she seems to have started out form a pretty great place.

But my youngest daughter did not start out from a pretty great place regarding her passion.  She actually sort of sucked.
My youngest daughter is a great example of the power of practice. As I have mentioned before, she loves dance. She dances at least 20 hours a week but it’s really more if you can’t all the dancing she does around the house or in the street or in the supermarket. But a few short years ago, she kind of sucked at dancing. Her balance was bad and her arms were wiggly and her feet were sickled. But she loved it. And she worked at it. She took more classes and private lessons and went to summer intensives. She watched videos and looked at pictures and watched the older kids. She really put in the practice and today she is a beautiful dancer.

In Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Outliers, (a must read, I must say!) he explains that you need 10,000 hours of practice to be an expert. And in my eyes, there is only one way to get in 10,000 hours of practice. You have to love it. It has to be your passion. Because that is a lot of time to spend on something you don’t really like.
And the fascinating thing about practicing is that 10,000 hours of practice will probably not make you the best in your passion but it will allow you to find your sweet spot, what you are uniquely good at within your passion.

And every year my little dancer grows so much faster and farther than the year before. The practice has made her technically better and has helped her to discover her unique gifts as a dancer. She is now the leader in dances. She places really well at dance competitions. And she is currently one of the youngest dancers performing with a new contemporary ballet company. The practice is really paying off and no more can anyone say that she sucks at what she loves. She is really pretty darn good!

So practice. Do your passion, Watch videos about it. Read books. Hang out with people who also love your passion. Take classes. If you truly love it, all of this will feel like play and not work! And through all that play, you will become much more capable.

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Pick a Job. Any Job.

So many high school kids have no idea what they want to study in college.
And sadly, their parents and teachers and guidance counselors are of little help.  
Because they focusing on helping kids decide what job to pick.



Instead of guiding kids to discover what they are passionate about and what they are talented at and what sort of impact they want to make, they guide kids to pick a job.
Instead of guiding kids to discover what they want to learn about, they guide kids to pick a college and major that will help them get that job.
A job that is accessible based on the kid's grades.
A job that makes the most money the kid can expect.
A job that is secure.
A job that probably has little to do with the kid herself.

Let me tell you about Marissa.
Marissa is a beautiful, intelligent, funny, confident senior in high school.  She is in the National Honor Society and is captain of the basketball team.  Her grades are good, she takes some honors classes, and has decent SAT scores.
Marissa is going to school to study nursing.
Not because she has ever expressed any interest in nursing.  Or medicine or caregiving or biology, for that matter.
Because her parents are nurses.
And they have convinced her that she can be a nurse.  She can make good money as a nurse.  And there will always be a need for nurses.

I can't tell you how this story will turn out because Marissa has not yet begun to study nursing. 
But just listening to it doesn't sound like it is destined for a happy ending, does it?
I can tell you that when I talk to her I don't get any good vibes.  She can't tell me why she wants to be a nurse or anything about the programs she wants to go to.  I'm not at all convinced that I would want her to be my nurse.

Nursing is probably not in Marissa's soul.  
It is a job she picked because her parents told her it was a good choice.

So for those kids out there in this position and for parents out there with kids facing this decision, I plead with you to throw away your ideas of what job to pursue and first get an idea of who you are and what lights your soul on fire.  Then let yourself be led in that direction.





Monday, August 13, 2018

I Homeschool My Kids So They Know How to Find Their Own Path

I homeschool my kids because I want them to know, from as soon as possible, that there is a different path for everyone.  Maybe not "know", but "remember".



When my kids were toddlers and in preschool, I loved watching them.
I used to watch with such excitement how they stopped and noticed everything.  Every crack in the sidewalk, every little flower on the page of a book, every cloud in the sky.
I used to watch with such excitement how they wondered out loud about things they saw or heard.  Why is the sky blue?  Who was that man? How can the wolf blow down the house?
I used to watch with such excitement how made choices to do things that made them happy instead of just doing what they were told. Stickers on their face instead of the page.  Wearing a fancy party dress to school.  Mixing all the playdough together.
I loved their curiosity and interest and passion.

As they moved on through elementary school I started to notice how they only paid attention to getting the answer to the question.  How they never questioned or discussed.  How they were worried that their projects might look different that what the teacher wanted.  I hated how they had lost their curiosity and were only focused on the "right answer".  Getting the answer that everyone else was going to give.

My defining moment was the reading comprehension question, "What do you think the author meant by ...?".  My daughter labored over it.  There were tears.  It was so open ended.  How could she know what the right answer was.  I loved it.  I made her re-read parts and encouraged her to share what she noticed.  I engaged in discussion with her about her thoughts.   I supported her in choosing an answer that felt good to her.  And she handed it in.  And got it wrong.
HOW CAN YOU GET THE ANSWER WRONG TO "WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

In addition, we had science fair project ideas turned down because they could not fit in the rubric.  We had creative ways to do a boring weekly web search rejected.  We had correct math answers marked wrong because the method used was not the one taught in class.  

I realized that school was teaching my kids that there is only one right answer.  
That there is only one path.  

And that was not a lesson I wanted my kids to learn.  

So now they are homeschooled.
I create assignments for them that require an answer or opinion or report or creation.
I share my expectations about what the assignment should include.
And then I let them be free to discover the path that works for them.
I want them to be curious enough to do research and play around with things.
I want them to be interested enough to talk about what they are learning about.
I want them to be passionate enough to create something that feels good and feels authentic.
I want them to love what they produce, even if it doesn't look like everyone else's.

I want them to take this lesson with them through college and career and life.
The lesson that following your own path is the only "right" way.










Thursday, August 9, 2018

Waste Your Talent If You Want

I was very good at math.  So when it was time to go to college, my parents wanted to me to be an engineer.



I was first drawn to dance.  I loved to dance.  I wasn't great at dance.  But I wanted to learn more.  I could happily spend my entire day learning about dance.  
Maybe I would want to be a dance teacher?  Maybe I would have a breakout moment and become a professional dancer?  Maybe I would find something related to dance to study?  
But the answer was no.  
It was not a secure thing.  
It was a waste of my talent.

I was very good at math.  My parents wanted me to be an engineer.  My parents wanted me to go to Cornell.

During the Cornell campus tour I was drawn to the hotel management school.  I was really organized.  I loved food.  I loved decorating.  I loved entertaining.  I loved travel. I could happily spend my entire day learning about working in a hotel.
Maybe I would want to be a chef?  Maybe I would be an event planner?  Maybe I would manage a small B&B in France?
But the answer was no.
Did I want so spend my life serving others?
It was a waste of my talent.

I was very good at math.  My parents wanted me to be an engineer.  My parents wanted me to go to Cornell.  My parents wanted me to get scholarships for being a girl good at math.

While looking at engineering majors, I was lured in by it's sister, architecture.  I loved art and buildings.  I wasn't a great artist.  But I wanted to learn more.  I could happily spend my entire day learning about architecture.
Maybe I would be an architect?  Maybe I would design really cool furniture? 
But the answer was no.
I was not a good enough artist.
It was a waste a my talent.

So, as you may have guessed, I went to the Cornell School of Engineering and studied Operations Research and Industrial Engineering.
I can't tell you what I learned because I wasn't interested in learning about it.
I did not get good grades because I wasn't interested in learning about it.
I could not get a job in engineering because I wasn't interested in learning about it.

I ended up in human resources and loved serving others.  Then I opened a bakery where I designed really cool and crazy cakes.  Oh, and I volunteer teaching dance to kids.
So I eventually got to a place where I was doing the things that I liked.
I would have been so much happier and made a bigger impact on the world if I had just wasted my talent and learned about something that I was interested in to begin with!

So go ahead.
Waste your talent if you want!





Monday, August 6, 2018

Listen to the Advice of Your Inner Self

Over the past decade I have spent a lot of time tapping into my intuition.
Why?
Well, because I believe that my inner self (or soul or spirit or ...) knows what will be of the greatest benefit to me.  My inner self wants me to become the greatest version of myself.
So, obviously, I would like to listen to the advice of my inner self, i.e. my intuition.
The basics of tapping into your intuition are quieting your mind so that you can hear your inner self and then trusting what you hear enough to act upon the advice.



I have found that it is easiest to work backwards and start immediately acting upon the things that I hear.  Things that are easy and non-emotional.  
Like flossing my teeth.
Every once in a while I am in the bathroom about to brush my teeth and the thought pops into my mind.  "Floss" says my inner self.   So I don't question, I just do.
If you pay even the slightest bit of attention you will notice that you hear these little easy and non-emotional bits of advice as well.  "Buy chicken."  "Take an umbrella." "Wear the red one."
These things are easy to follow.  You can't imagine some horrible downside to doing them or ignoring them.
But you will begin to see that they tend to help you out.
You might even want to start a journal to help yourself notice how they did.  Sometimes it takes some time or sometime it sets off a chain of events.  Your journal will help you spot these instances. But sometimes you just never catch the meaning, and that is okay too.  

Once you get comfortable listening and trusting, try trusting the harder and more emotional things.  Like then your inner self advises "Leave now." "Take the longer route." "Throw that away."
These are harder because you fear they will be the "wrong" decision.  You are afraid you will offend, or miss out, or be late, or make a mistake.
Work up to these.  I will admit they are hard.

And during this whole process, learn some techniques for quieting your mind.  
Try meditation.  Or just take a few minutes a day, or a few times a day, to sit quietly.  Set a reminder on your phone to stop and take a few breaths.
It will really help your ability to hear your inner self.

If you are interested in going deeper, my very favorite intuition teacher is Sonia Choquette.   Her books and podcasts and workshops have all been immensely helpful in helping me slow down and listen to my inner self.  She provides great stories and exercises that really illustrate the benefits of tapping into your intuition and show you how simple it can be.


Thursday, August 2, 2018

4 Practices For a Peaceful Life

Have you ever had periods of your life that are just not so peaceful?
I've been having one this summer so I have been doing a lot of work to regain my inner peace.

I have come up with four key practices that need to come back to the forefront of my life.



1. Act on Instinct
I often find that when I am not feeling peaceful, I am working to hard to control and manipulate my life.  I am thinking through every single decisions and making them based on some predicted outcome.  Like thinking we should go to the beach today because the weather is nice and we paid for the beach club and fresh air is good for kids and blah, blah, blah.
But when I am peaceful, I am tapped into my insight.  I stop and take a breath and see what I feel like in the moment.    I listen to my voice tell me that I want to curl up on the porch with a good book and a glass of wine instead of head to the beach. And I listen to the little voice that make suggestions out of the blue.  Sometimes it  tells me to floss my teeth.  Sometimes to go write a chapter of my book.  
When I surrender to this little voice, instead of trying to figure out what is best, I find so much more peace in my day.  

2. Act Out of Love
I often find that when I am not feeling peaceful, I am not choosing to react with love to the people around me.  I am weighing their actions as a judge would and deciding if I am going to be loving or be an asshole.  Like when my daughter comes in to tell me about some YouTube video after I have told her 6 times to please get in the shower.
But when I am peaceful, I am acting out of love.  In all instances.  Before I react, I ask, "What would love do?".   I remove myself from my role as judge.  Because, really, who said I was the judge of any other human being?  Love listens to the story about the YouTube video.   Love remembers that excitement is beautiful and curiosity is awesome and kids are just learning.  Love has the patience to ask for a shower a seventh time.
When I choose love, instead of judgement, I find so much more peace in my day. 

3. Be Immune to Others Opinions
I often find that when I am not feeling peaceful, I am caught up in others opinions.  I am letting other people judge me.   Like second guessing myself when a person doesn't get enthusiastic about a story I am sharing.  
But when I am peaceful, I am immune to the opinions of others.  I remember that they are my best teachers.  That my feeling of inadequacy is really only mine and once I have faith in myself, those opinionated teachers disappear.  
When I choose to only let my own opinion matter, I find so much more peace in my day.

4. Know That I Can Have What I Want
I often find that when I am not feeling peaceful, I am caught up in doubting that I can have something I desire.   My thinking centers around the worst case scenario.  Like when I want my daughter to get a certain role she auditioned for and I am letting doubt about her talent slip in to my mind.
But when I am peaceful, I have trust that I can have anything I want.  As long as I have faith and take action and want it with all my heart.  (Try my mini-course "Manifesting Your Desires with 3 Simple Choices" to learn how.) 
When I chose to have faith in the abundance of the Universe, I find so much more peace in my day.


I hope that the next time you are feeling less than peaceful, you incorporate these four simple practices into your life.