Challenge Yourself ... By Using Your Kids

My oldest daughter needs to work on her flexibility and my younger daughter needs to work on her core strength.  Both my daughters love nothing more than a nice dinner out.

I noticed the perfect challenge and reward for the summer.  Each week I would give them a few exercises to help them with the areas that need work and if they completed all of the exercises at the end of the week we would all go to dinner.

Of course I decided I should challenge myself as well since I was going to be partaking in the reward.

So I make a list of of 5 or so different exercises for us ... some easy and some a bit more challenging.  I put the items in pretty fonts and colors and followed each one by the number of times it needed to be done each week.  Each week I change up the exercises and intensity.

It seems to be working great for each of my kids because they have control over what they want to do and when. It seems to be working well for the group because we all motivate each other so we can all head out for sushi on Tuesday.  And it seems to be working great for me because I don't want to let my kids down.  No matter what, I will get my items done because I love them (and, well,  I love raw tuna).

It is amazing what great motivation the love of your kid's happiness is.  A much better motivator than the fear of disappointing your personal trainer or your workout buddy.

YOUR TURN
Set up a challenge for you and your kids and pick a reward that everyone in the family loves.  See how motivating it can be!

Habits ... The Big Elephant Blocking the Doorway to Change

For many years of my life I got up at 4:30 and exercised.  I felt great.  I looked great.  Everything was great.

Then somewhere along the line I started getting up at 4:30 on some days but at 5:30 on most days and then didn't have time to exercise.  So I stopped.  And I stopped looking great and I stopped feeling great.  Everything was not great.

After a while of this not great stuff I decided I had to fit exercise back in my schedule.  But when I forced myself to do it in the early morning I was not happy.  It felt like a chore.  But damn it, EARLY MORNING IS WHEN I EXERCISE!  I spent a lot of time trying to force this issue until I realized that I was not exercising enough still AND I was making myself stressed out AND I was unhappy.

I realized that exercising in the early morning was a habit.  And since it was making me unhappy, it was a bad habit.  One that I needed to break.  That habit was a big elephant standing in my doorway to happy!

So I forced myself to try exercising after I took the kids to school.  Which meant going to work and hour later.  My initial thought was that it was never going to work.  And guess what, for the first few days it didn't.  It felt all wrong but I stuck to it.  And after a couple of weeks it has become my new habit.  I am now exercising enough AND I don't feel at all stressed AND I am happy.

And I new realize that at some point in time things will change I and I will have to move on from this habit and create a new one.  I hope I have learned enough to do it more gracefully this time!

YOUR TURN
Is there something that is no longer working for you?  Even if it is a good thing?

Is it your morning routine of getting the kids out to school?  Is it the way you clean your house?  Is it what you pack for lunch?

If so, let go of the habit and create a new one!

If you need a little support, I have to highly recommend Zen Habits.  It is a really inspirational site about clearing away your crap so you can be happier.  And he often deals with habits.

Do You Really Know What You Want to Do?... Replacing "Should" with "Could"

Remember when I asked you what could make you happier at this very moment?  Have you been asking yourself?  Have you been making yourself happier?  Are you ready to take it to the next level?

Good.  Then erase the word "should" from your vocabulary and replace it with the word "could". ( I read this in "Soul Coaching" by Denise Linn last week and I just love it!)

I was looking at the definitions of the words and ran across this on some website... Should expresses what the speaker feels is morally right or most expedient for the situation.  Could is a good choice for offering ideas to someone else who will be the decision maker.

So, when you use the word "should" you are putting all of your habits, filters and limiting beliefs on the situation.  You are being driven by the fear of the consequences.  I should fold the laundry before I go to bed... because if I don't my kids will be mad that their favorite outfit is not ready for school, because if I don't my husband will wonder what I do all day, because if I don't my house will look cluttered.

But when you use the word could you are allowing yourself to look at the options and decide what feels right in the moment.  I could fold the laundry before I go to bed..... and I will because I am not that tired and that will give me an extra 10 minutes in the morning which will make me really happy or I won't because I am really tired and I would be happier to be asleep right now.

Do you see how should is filled with fear and could is filled with love?  A useful little trick, isn't it?

YOUR TURN
Every time you use the word should today, immediately replace it with could.  You might make yourself a reminder like an index card or putting the words on the home screen of your phone.

When you use could. do you feel happier?  Even if the outcome is the same as if you had used should?

A Life Lesson ... In the Form of A Cake Decorating Disaster

When I say "cake decorating disaster"  you might envision many different things ... a burned cake, a 5 tier wedding cake falling over at the reception, some beautiful element falling off in transit.

But these are not really cake decorating disasters for a professional cake decorator.  Because I can and will fix them!  Burned cake?  So I stay up late baking a new one.  Wedding cake falling over?  Never gonna happen because I spend hours properly supporting the cake.  Something falling off in transit?  That's okay because I have the ability to make a new one or already have a backup.  I always have a bag of icing, a knife, a bucket of gumpaste and a head full of creativity at the ready to fix any mishap.  Every cake will be beautiful.  Every disaster mitigated.

Except when I send a cake to a client and they don't think it is beautiful.  That is a disaster. 

I had a client come to me looking for a cake for her mother.  She told me all about her mom and asked for ideas.  I provided sketches and prices and she loved them all but wanted to combine a few of the ideas.   She came in for a visit and ended up with an entirely different design.  Which she changed within a few days to wanting a replica of a cake she found online.  I can honestly say that from the first conversation I was not feeling a great connection with this client even though she was a lovely woman.

It was a stack of presents.  That did not even look like presents but like two cakes with polka dots stuck on the sides and shell borders stacked on one another with a bow on top.   We discussed the colors that she wanted and I mentioned that we could tweak the cake a little bit to make it look more like a stack of real presents.  I can honestly say that I hated the cake she selected.

I made the cake and took great care to change the stuck on polka dots to embossed and gilded dots as if it were real wrapping paper and to edge the cakes perfectly so that they did not require a border.  I added the ribbons and bows and requested gift tag and delivered the cake to the venue.  And my client contacted me a few days later to tell me she hated it.  I can honestly say I did not handle that too well.

After some soul searching about the situation,  I realized that there was a valuable lesson in this client relationship.  The lesson was to love, not fear.  

1.  I need to love myself enough to do what feels right.  I knew from the first few discussions that this was not a client I wanted to work with.  Instead of following my heart that told me I was never going to make her happy,  I followed my head because I was afraid to lose the business.

2.  I need to love every cake I make. Once I accepted the cake order, I needed to find a way to love it.  Because my heart goes into every cake and if my heart is all grouchy and nasty, so the cake will be.  

3. I need to love my client.  If a client does not like something, my first reaction needs to be to understand their concerns and feelings.  My first reaction should not be one of fear and trying to defend my work.  

This lesson has proven to be immensely valuable since this incident.  I can fully put my heart into every client and every cake.  And if I can't, then I can walk away gracefully.

Interestingly, this client has come back for another cake.  I am entering the renewed relationship filled with love and am optimistic that this time will not be a disaster.

YOUR TURN

Can you think of a situation in your life that felt like a disaster?  What was the life lesson?

"Soul Coaching" by Denise Linn .. A Great Place to Start

Over the past few weeks I have been reading "Soul Coaching: 28 Days to Discover Your Authentic Self" by Denise Linn.  I like the book because it is a very simple and structured way to get started on figuring out where you want to go in this life and what is holding you back.  I would mainly suggest it for people who are just starting out on their journey to becoming more joyful but even as someone who has traveled fairly far, I found some very useful exercises and insights.

The book focuses on one area of your self each day.  One day is removing clutter, another day is about gratitude, another about looking at the turning points in your life, another about being present in the moment.  You get the idea.

Each day there are 3 exercises you can do ... an easy one, one that takes some effort and one that helps you go deeply into the area of the day.  You can do one or all three. The exercises are primarily journaling exercises with some real life applications as well.  They are all quite manageable to do each day.

If this book doesn't sing to you but you are eager to get started, there are two books that started me out on my journey a few years ago... "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin and "The Joy Diet" by Martha Beck.

YOUR TURN
Find a book that can help you jump start your journey to being more joyful.  If you have found a great book already, please share!

Solar Eclipse in Taurus ... A New Way of Finding Peace and Quiet

Tomorrow brings us a Solar Eclipse in Taurus.

Solar Eclipse's bring about dramatic new beginnings.  Think New Moon on steroids.

And Taurus means grounding, security, making things real, slowing down to enjoy life's pleasures, relaxing.  I always think of Taurus as stopping right where I am to observe and breath, where I find peace and calm.  It is a stop and smell the roses sort of thing.

So we should expect some dramatic new beginnings in how we make the world stop spinning so we can enjoy life.

To understand where in your life the impact will be, you need to know what house Taurus is for you...
Aries (born 3/21 - 4/20) The focus is self worth and security. (2nd)
Taurus (born 4/21 - 5/21) The focus is self. (1st)
Gemini (born 5/22 - 6/21)  The focus is your soul.  Things that you keep hidden inside and transformation of your soul. (12th)
Cancer (born 6/22 - 7/22)  The focus is your goals, hopes and wishes. (11th)
Leo (born 7/23 - 8/21)   The focus is your career or role in society. (10th)
Virgo (born 8/22 - 9/23) The focus is on broadening your horizons. (9th)
Libra (born 9/24 - 10/23)  The focus is on intense experiences.  Crisis, transformations, sex. (8th)
Scorpio (born 10/24 - 11/22)   The focus is partnerships.  (7th)
Sagittarius (born 11/23 - 12/22) The focus is well being.  This includes work and health. (6th)
Capricorn (born 12/23 - 1/20) The focus is your passions and creativity. (5th)
Aquarius (born 1/21 - 2/19)  The focus is your roots.  This includes your childhood and your home. (4th)
Pisces (born 2/20 - 3/20)   The focus is the exchange of information.  This includes communications and learning.  (3rd)
For more on information on the houses, Ruby Slipper Astrology has a simple overview.

I am a Virgo so Taurus would be my 9th house.  Broadening my horizons.  My focus for this full moon with be on changing my view of what brings me enjoyment in life.  There are other things out there for me to explore that will bring me the peace and calm I am looking for.

As with each New Moon, I am going to set some intentions in that area. What is it that I want?  I am going to write it down and let the universe take me there.  I might even write down 100, as I have heard you should do at a Solar Eclipse!

YOUR TURN
Figure out what the Solar Eclipse means to your life.  Then set some intentions in that area.  If you want, ask for 100 things!

Judging Future Opportunities Using Past Sufferings ... A Sad Tale About a Singing Elmo

When my first daughter was born she did not react well to the world and I did not react well to motherhood. This baby was primed for disaster and howled at every bright light, loud noise, and funny sensation.  Her mother was sure that since she had controlled everything in her life up until now, why should this experience be any different.   It was a rough few years to say the least!

Every traumatic event that happened during the first few days of her life became rules that were written in stone.  If she doesn't fall asleep the second she yawns she will be awake for another 4 hours.  If you try to move her after she falls asleep in the car she will wake right up.  If she loses her binky she will be up all night.  If she gets scared by a toy we will have to leave the playdate.

I spent a lot of time staying tied to my house so I didn't miss nap time.  I had a library in my car so I could entertain myself while she napped in her carseat.  I made sure there were 10 binkys in her crib so one could always be found.  I scoured playrooms looking for singing Elmo toys so I could eliminate them before they struck fear in the heart of my baby.

(Are you laughing yet?  I so wish I had a do-over!)

What I understand now is that I was judging every future opportunity based on a few bad experiences.  I was living in such fear of creating another bad experience that I pretty much stopped having any experiences.

I wonder what life would have been like if I treated every experience as a new one.  Instead of assuming I knew the outcome.  What if each time I let her meet Elmo with no assumptions?  And if she went screaming down the hall had just been present in that moment and dealt with how she was feeling right then and there.  Instead of beating myself up for "knowing better".  I wonder how much more we would have both learned and I wonder how many more experiences we would have had.

These days I try really hard to not assume that my kids will take 43 minutes to put on their shoes for school.  And I try not to assume that if I plant tomatoes they will die.  And I try not to assume that if I buy the Girl Scout cookies I am going to eat an entire sleeve in one sitting.  Okay, maybe all of these things will happen.  And maybe they won't.  Especially if I treat each opportunity without all of the baggage of my past suffering.

YOUR TURN
Catch yourself the next time you think you know how something is going to turn out.  Treat it as a brand new opportunity!

When You Are Really Cranky And Know You Shouldn't Be .. Take Some Time to Talk Yourself Down

I have come a long way in the past few years.  Especially when it comes to letting irritating things roll off me. I have learned to love not fear.  I have learned that irritating people are actually mirroring my own irritating behaviors to me.  I have learned that I can't and don't need to change others but instead need to change myself or my expectations.  I have learned that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have been given.  I have learned compassion by accepting and embracing other people's passions.  I have really learned to let go.

Not more than a week ago I gave myself a little pat on the back for employing all of these things that I learned during a 45 minute long phone conversation with my mother that centered solely around the topic of a window I am choosing not to replace in my house.  The window does not bother me but my mother cannot bear the thought of it.  I listened to her patiently.  I expressed that I understood that she was very disturbed by it.  I told her I appreciated her opinion.  I laughed a little bit.  I let her go on and on until she was done.  And when I hung up the phone I was still smiling and feeling great.

And then Monday rolled around and I was faced with a situation that really ticked me off.  I talked myself through all of my lessons and I was still ticked off.  I was unable to be grateful or compassionate or let go of my judgments or my sense of entitlement.  As hard as I tried I just felt angry about something I perceived as being really unfair.  I even vented to someone else that I know is in the same boat!  While I was unable to let go, I could actually see that I couldn't let go and I knew I needed to do something about it before it spiraled out of control.

So I took a few hours to myself.  And I sat down with my journal and I wrote about everything.  What was I afraid of?  What was being mirrored to me?  How were my expectations not matching with reality?  I eventually came up with an understanding of the root of my issue.  I was mostly able to let it go but I also wrote myself a list of "affirmations" to refer to if I found myself clinging to irritation over this situation again.

Today I barely found myself bothered by the situation and when I was, I grabbed my list and talked myself off the ledge!

YOUR TURN
The next time you are being bogged down by a negative situation, take some time alone to think it through.  When you feel that you understand the situation, make yourself  list of things to tell yourself when you find yourself fretting about it again.    

Being the Happiest You Can At This Moment .. Maybe That Just Means Opening the Sunroof

Somewhere I read the other day something about asking yourself how you could be happier or more joyful at this very moment.

I filed that away in my mind in the place where I keep all of these cool little tips for being more present and joyful.  But this morning it just popped right out of that place.

I was sitting in my car.  The sun was shining and the sky was blue.  I had a half an hour to kill waiting for dance class.  I pushed my seat back and adjusted my legs so I was oh-so-comfy.  I picked up a book that I have been thoroughly enjoying.  I was sipping on my Blueprint Pineapple Apple Mint Heaven, I mean Juice.  It was pretty darn perfect and I was pretty darn happy.

And then that little tip popped out.  "How could you be happier?".  Well, I thought, I am a little warm so perhaps I should open the sunroof.  So I did.  And my happy turned into way more happy.

This was a kind of silly example but it goes to show that something really little can make you way more happy.  Which is great if you are feeling happy already and really great if you are feeling down or stressed or angry.

I can't wait to try it when I a little less happy!

YOUR TURN
Do something to remind yourself to ask "How can I be happier?" a few times a day.