When my first daughter was born she did not react well to the world and I did not react well to motherhood. This baby was primed for disaster and howled at every bright light, loud noise, and funny sensation. Her mother was sure that since she had controlled everything in her life up until now, why should this experience be any different. It was a rough few years to say the least!
Every traumatic event that happened during the first few days of her life became rules that were written in stone. If she doesn't fall asleep the second she yawns she will be awake for another 4 hours. If you try to move her after she falls asleep in the car she will wake right up. If she loses her binky she will be up all night. If she gets scared by a toy we will have to leave the playdate.
I spent a lot of time staying tied to my house so I didn't miss nap time. I had a library in my car so I could entertain myself while she napped in her carseat. I made sure there were 10 binkys in her crib so one could always be found. I scoured playrooms looking for singing Elmo toys so I could eliminate them before they struck fear in the heart of my baby.
(Are you laughing yet? I so wish I had a do-over!)
What I understand now is that I was judging every future opportunity based on a few bad experiences. I was living in such fear of creating another bad experience that I pretty much stopped having any experiences.
I wonder what life would have been like if I treated every experience as a new one. Instead of assuming I knew the outcome. What if each time I let her meet Elmo with no assumptions? And if she went screaming down the hall had just been present in that moment and dealt with how she was feeling right then and there. Instead of beating myself up for "knowing better". I wonder how much more we would have both learned and I wonder how many more experiences we would have had.
These days I try really hard to not assume that my kids will take 43 minutes to put on their shoes for school. And I try not to assume that if I plant tomatoes they will die. And I try not to assume that if I buy the Girl Scout cookies I am going to eat an entire sleeve in one sitting. Okay, maybe all of these things will happen. And maybe they won't. Especially if I treat each opportunity without all of the baggage of my past suffering.
YOUR TURN
Catch yourself the next time you think you know how something is going to turn out. Treat it as a brand new opportunity!
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