"Untangled" ... Insight Into the Mind of Your Teen Daughter

I have to admit that my two daughters are really pretty easy.

They are good students, they are kind, they follow our guidelines, we don't have crazy fights.

But even so, there are moments I just don't get them. 

And moments that I wonder if my expectations are out of whack.

"Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood" by Lisa Damour really helped me to understand them and to set my expectations in a more appropriate place.

Lisa starts with explaining how kids part from their childhood. 

It was so helpful to understand how the same kid can act 30 and 6 in the same day!  How they can take themselves to the mall and shop for makeup but play at the playground the next day.  How they can manage to build themselves a website but can't order a pizza.

Then we move on to understanding their association with their "tribe".

This was a big one.  Understanding the dynamics of those girl groups was eye-opening.  We all know we need our tribe.  And girls that age are sorting theirs out.  Their tribe moves from being you to their friends.  And navigating that world is important to them.  

Understanding how they deal with emotions was a particularly helpful one for my household.

Learning that the girls hold it together in the outside world and then dump it all on you because you are safe gave me the ability to be so much more compassionate with them instead of berating them for being so much nicer to others then they sometimes are to me.

Lisa explains how teen girls are changing how they view adults.  

How adults go from all-powerful to just human.  And how we as parents need to adapt to this change in them by being more open and honest about our own mistakes and flaws.  How we can't just use "Because I said so!" anymore.

The book also touches on schoolwork, romance, drugs, and alcohol.

This was a must read for every parent who wants a deeper insight into what is going on with their teenage daughter and who wants to build a healthier relationship.

Thanks Lisa Damour for sharing your years of knowledge.