I know that there is going to be plaster dust when we do demolition. The contractors plastic over the opening to the room. I remembered to pull all of the clothes out of the closets in my bedroom since they share a wall with the bedroom we are working on and I know the dust creeps under the base molding and I didn't want all of my clothes dirtied. Aside from that I didn't do too much prep.
After Day 1 I can home at 6:30 with two tired kids from dance. I noticed in the dark house that I could see little cat footprints on my foyer table. And on the dining room table. Oh, and on the TV cabinet and the stairs. Ugh. I had forgotten how that dust just settles everywhere.
Then I went upstairs to hand the kids dance costumes in the closet in the guest room. Which happens to be directly above the room being demoed. That is when I started to cry. I had forgotten that we have no subfloors. Just old floorboards. So when they pulled all the walls and ceiling down, all the dust rose right into my guest room. About a half an inch of it. On everything. Luggage guitars, yoga mats, bedding. I closed the door and numbed myself with a bottle of champagne.
On Day 2, I cleaned my living room a few times to make that my "happy place" and have moved my computer down here and am sleeping on the couch. I have started cleaning the other less affected rooms and have decided the real messes will wait until most of the construction is done. And once everything is done I am spending a few days doing a real deep cleaning.
I have accepted the mess. I have accepted that things are going to be a little difficult for a few weeks. I have accepted that even when we are done it is going to take a while to pull everything back into alignment. I have accepted that I can't plan out dates but instead just need to play things by ear. I have accepted that the little birthday party I am having here can still gone on even if my house is a bit of a mess.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because I see this situation as a metaphor for the emotional changes I go through.
I am in a place right now where I am pulling down another "room" in myself. Tackling limiting beliefs and getting rid of the old crap. Pulling down every wall and floorboard and old piece of molding. And as much as I try to confine it to the times I want to focus on it, the dust goes everywhere in my life. And perhaps it affects some areas in some really dirty ways. And maybe I need to shut the door on those areas until I am done with my emotional "construction". I need to be less rigid about what is happening and when and just accept the mess and the difficulty and the uncertainty. I need to accept that in the end everything is going to be clean and beautiful and there will be a beautiful new room that will emerge .. in my house and in me.
I tell myself each day to be at peace with the chaos and the mess because it is a step on my journey to joy.
YOUR TURN
Is there anything going on in your physical life right now? Can you see a metaphor for something going on in your emotional life? What can you tell yourself each day?
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