Three Days of Reading Deprivation ... Less Time Reading, More Time Living

I took three days off from reading.  

No reading books.  Or magazines.  Or recipes.  Or emails or texts or Facebook.

And I was amazed how little I missed most of it and how many more enjoyable things I found to do with my time.  It really showed me how reading can enhance my life and how it can weigh me down.

Without being able to read, I spent more time ...

- sewing

- talking to my kids

- meditating

- thoughtfully eating

- sleeping

- walking

- doing yoga

- drawing

- writing in my journal

-talking to people in person and one the phone

- running errands I have been putting off

-cooking

- letting my kids read me bedtime stories

Without being able to read, I really missed ...

- snuggling in with a book before bed

-texting

- being able to refer to recipes

- checking my calendar and to-do list

- Pinterest

Without being able to read, I realized I can do without ...

- Facebook

- checking my emails more than two times a day

- reading while I sit in the car waiting for the kids to get out of school

- opening my computer before 8PM unless I am working on a specific project

After my three days, I feel much more appreciative of when I am reading for the joy of learning and organizing and more aware of when I am reading to escape doing something that requires more energy.  I have vowed to put my computer away until the kids go to bed unless I am working on a specific project, I have vowed to look at Facebook no more than once per day, I have vowed to check my email at lunch and in the evening and I have vowed to allow spare moments to be just that.   I have vowed to be fully present when I am reading instead of just using it as a distraction.

How to Remain Creative ... In a World That Teaches Discipline

I recently had an ah-ha moment about balancing creativity and discipline, self expression or technique.  I have struggled for many years with how to be creative while living and working in a world that seems to require and reward disciple. My struggle has intensified now that my children are involved in dance, art and music which you would think fosters their ability to express themselves but really seems to be lesson after lesson after lesson in technique.

I realized that creativity is the domain of the "master" and discipline is the focus of the "student".

In dance, you spend many years as a student learning technique and performing the vision of the choreographer.  The choreographer, the master, has spent their years learning technique as a student and are now at liberty to express their creativity to the masses through the dances they create.

In the culinary world, you spend many years as a student learning technique and executing the vision of the chef.  The chef, the master, has spent their years of learning technique as a student and are now at liberty to express their creativity to the masses through the dishes they create and the restaurants they lead.

In the world of architecture, you spend many years as a student learning technique and executing the vision of the architect.  The architect, the master, has spent their years of learning technique as a student and are now at liberty to express their creativity to the masses through the structures they design.

When I looked at all of these examples, I determined that discipline is knowing how something will turn out based on the techniques you have learned... how do you turn without falling over, how do you grill a steak without burning it, how to you build a house without it collapsing.  And I determined that creativity is being surprised, taking an idea and just seeing where it goes, experimenting with no attachment to the outcome.

As a master you are free to experiment.  You have earned that right.
As a student you are asked to learn perfect technique.  It is your responsibility.

It makes sense but it seems so disheartening.  I get that you really need to learn how to do things so they work before you can spend all of your time experimenting ... although I am sure there are some people out there who are perfectly happy to just twirl around to the music for hours, eat combinations of peanut butter, sardine and wheatgrass or build things with Legos that always tip over!  But sacrificing your self-expression during your "student" years is just too sad!

So how do we keep the creativity going when we are still the student?  I think the challenge is to be your own "master" during all of the years that you are a "student".

 In dance,  the student can be the master in their own space ... when they dance around their living room or on the dance floor with their friends.  The technique they have learned and are learning gives them the tools to create with.  They know how to leap and turn and point their toes and they can put that all together into something amazing of their own creation.

In cooking,  the student can be the master in their own space ... when they play with flavors in their kitchen and cook meals for their family.  The technique they have learned and are learning gives them the tools to create with.  They know how to butcher and saute and season and they can put that all together into something amazing that expresses themselves.

In architecture,  the student can be the master in their own space ... when they doodle on napkins and build tree houses with their kids.  The technique they have learned and are learning gives them the tools to create with.  They know how to draw and engineer and they can put that all together into something amazing that communicates their vision.

I think that that some people are so amazing at what they do because they never lose their creativity while they were a student.  They spend long hours learning and then still have the passion and determination to be their own master at night and on the weekends and every moment in between.  They have so much love for what they do that they can't help but find the energy to be both student and master.  And by the time they rise to the master level, they have been nurturing their creativity for so long that it just bursts forth now that it has a wider audience.

I think that most of us get so stuck in our role as student that by the time we rise to master we have to relearn to be creative.  And some of us never do.  And what a sad existence that is.

With this realization comes my determination to let my children be their own masters.  I will allow them time and materials to execute their own visions with no attachment to the outcome.  I will let them dance around the living room for hours without correcting their form.  I will let them cook things in the kitchen even if that means ordering pizza for dinner.  I will let them draw without the rules of perspective.  I will let them fill journals with half written stories.  I will give them containers of leftover materials and let them build.  I will give them scraps of fabric and a needle and let them sew.  I will let them blow into their clarinet with no sheet music.  I will let them be the "master" for all these years that they will also be the "student".

"I Prefer" ... Tell Me What You Love, Not What You Hate

I have introduced the words "I prefer" to my children.  

And I am loving hearing them because they help me understand what my children want without making my hair stand on end!

You see, my almost 10 year old daughter entered a stage a few months ago where she looks at whatever food I have placed on the table and finds fault with it.  It is something she has never seen before.  YUCK!  It is a piece of produce with a slight imperfection.  EWWW!  It is touching!  I CAN'T EAT THIS!

I have never been and never will be a short-order cook in my own house.  From the time they could chew my children have eaten exactly what my husband and I eat.  Because I want them to be open to all foods and I want them to be able to eat places without me.  I expect one bite of everything and I expect my children to manage their own plates to make the meal I served make them happy.  I don't mind that my tomato-hater picks out the tomatoes but I am not doing it for her. 

But while these rules of eating are being followed I can not stand when my daughter arrives at the table armed with complaints before a piece of food has entered her mouth.

So I have asked her to address any complaints in the form of "I prefer".  I would prefer if we could take the skin off these apples.  I would prefer if this ham and cheese on my plate was in the form of a sandwich.  I would prefer to have grapes instead of raspberries.

I like this for many reasons.  I like it because I don't feel attacked.  And I like it because I feel like it is helping her to actually understand and communicate what she doesn't like about something.  And I like that it is helping her focus on love, not fear.  And I like that she is learning that when you ask for something nicely and with good reason, people are willing to work with you.  Sometimes I can happily give her what she prefers.  I don't mind swapping a fruit or cutting the crust off the bread.  And sometimes I can't and we talk about why so that she knows I understand her concerns.  But in all cases, eating together has become enjoyable again!

I have also extended "I prefer" to other areas of our lives like homework and clothes and anything else that causes that grumpy 10 year old face!