Saying "Yes"... My Yearlong Surrender Challenge

In 2019, I am going to say "yes".
And I hope you will be part of this challenge to surrender.

You see, I have a little problem.
I have worked for years to develop my intuition and my connection to the Universe, my soul, and all things grander then myself.
I find myself listening to amazing suggestions that come from somewhere other than my mind.  Things I know are acting to guide me to my next best step.
I hear them, I believe them, I plan to do them.  And when the time comes, I listen to my mind tell me why it won't work and is a waste of my time.  Even though I felt that spark that said, for lack of a better mantra,  "just do it".
And I back out.

This happens with things as simple as hearing the suggestion to take a walk.  Where I say "oh yes" and in the next hearbeat I have decided it is too cold, too dark, too close to dinner to take a walk so I don't.
And it happens with bigger things too.  Like hearing the suggestion to set up a call with a coach I came across in a Facebook group.  I just knew she could help me and I set up the meeting.   Then the day before I decided I didnt have the money to pay her and I didn't really want to be coached afterall.

But I know from experience that if I hear the suggestion and follow through no matter what reasons I have not to, I am rewarded and changed for the better.
Like taking a writing course when I didn't think I really wanted to write a book or had the money for the course, has led to such amazing self discovery, some wonderful new friends, and a book!
Or flossing my teeth each time I hear the suggestion even though I don't want to has given me much better visits to the dentist.
And going on a holiday shopping trip with a friend when I thought I had too many other things to do, delivered me two of the most perfect books for my daughters.
I know when I surrender, I am rewarded.  Sometimes in big ways and sometimes in little ways, but always in some way.

And I want to bring more of these rewards into my life.
So, I am challenging myself to say "yes" to the suggestions that light me up no matter how much my mind protests.
And I would love if you tried it too!

Follow along on my journey on Instagram at #sayingyeschallenge!
Check it out!  Cheer me on!  Share your own experiences!
Just say "yes"!

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Does Allowing My Kid to Be Herself Make Me a Bad Parent?

I have been struggling to help my 14 year old daughter develop the organizational skills necessary for her to remember things that she has to get done and make some time each day to work on things.

Right now we are in a space where I am constantly reminding her.  Because as a homeschooler, there is not the natural consequence of a bad grade or having to experience the shame of telling the teacher you forgot.  And in a few short years I will not be there.

So I really want to make sure she develops the skills and habits necessary to live a successful life of ease.

But without crushing her spirit.  Does that make me a bad parent?

I want to allow my daughter to be herself.
I want to help her grow the things that bring her joy and help her to find effective ways to deal with the things that frustrate her.
I want to help her try new ways to be more organized.  I want to help her develop some practices for being less afraid to talk to new people.   I want to help her to develop more empathy.
But I also want to embrace that she is not super-organized or a social butterfly or the most aware person in the room and help her to appreciate that these are the things that make her, well, her.
I want her to know that we don't all have to force ourselves into the same mold.

Because with every challenging trait, there is something amazing.
Not worrying about deadlines and to-do lists allows her to be so creative and detail oriented, it allows her to focus deeply on the task shes in at this moment.
Not loving idle chit chat keeps her away from the evils of gossip and the traditional "mean girl" drama.
Not being hyper-aware of other people protects her from worrying about what other people think of her and enables her to be her authentic self.
There is a dark and light side to everything.

Of course there is great value in finding some balance between the dark and the light.
And that is sometimes a slippery slope for a parent.  To look at a trait that is not the "normal" one or the "favored" one and not try to replace it with a "better" one.  While also helping your child to have the minimum skills that will provide them with a life of ease and joy.
I worry.  Am I trying to change her too much?  Am I being too lax and sending her off into the world unprepared?
How do I know where the line is?
Am I a bad parent?

At this point in my life, I am erring on the side of helping her to embrace who she is.
When I see things that I think will challenge her in the future, I make suggestions for new practices she can try.  To help her be more organized, we have tried planners and bullet journals and now Google Calendar with reminders.  To help her be comfortable talking to new people, I ensure that she is put in situations where that can happen naturally like sending her in to the store to buy things or making her attend the dance studio holiday party.   To help her be more aware of people, we talk all the time about how people might be feeling or how our actions might impact them.

But I don't force my suggestions on her.  I ask her to do her best.
I ask her to try using a new planner for 30 days and see how it goes.  I don't insist she talk to people at the party, just that she go.  I don't reprimand her for being unaware of someone's feeling but just discuss how the situation might have been different.
I don't let up on my efforts but I let her choose what to incorporate into her life.  I believe when she finds the practices that work for her, she will embrace them.  I also believe that if she is one day motivated to be really organized or social or empathetic, she will learn those skills on her own with ease.

It's like my other daughter and math.
She's not so great at it.  But I believe that we all need basic math to get along in the world.
So I don't let up on my efforts to help her get comfortable with fractions and algebra. 
But I do accept that she will never pick a path in life that involves advanced math so I don't force it on her.  And if, one day, she decides she wants to be an accountant or a scientist and she needs the advanced math, I know that she will learn it because she is motivated.

Of course I do worry that this relaxed, "you do you" attitude of mine makes me a bad parent.
I worry that I am blocking off some paths for them by not insisting they conform to all of the "normal" traits that our society favors.  I worry that one day they are going to hate me for not "making them".  I worry about what other people think sometimes.

But not too much. 
Instead I try to focus on how much I love allowing my kids to blossom into their own authentic selves. 
And I stop worrying so much about being a bad parent!

Acceptance