I am always trying to act from a soulful place. A place of peace and joy.
And to resist the trappings of my ego which always feels lacking and can never be satisfied.
But sometimes it is hard to tell the difference. So I made myself a list of questions that I ask myself to understand if I am following the direction of my soul or if I am being pulled down by my ego.
Am I focused on the best result or on enjoying the journey?
Your soul is not concerned with how things turn out. It just wants to have experiences. Some bring joy. Some bring lessons. They are all good to the soul.
The ego is focused on what the outcome is going to be. And the result had better be the best.
I use this one a lot when I am about to tackle an art project. I ask if I am doing it because I am going to enjoy the process of creation or because I want to have something completed that I can show off.
If I am all about the result, I try to adjust my focus to the journey or pass on the project because I know that in the end I am going to be disappointed because the ego can never be satisfied.
This was a huge challenge back to me in my "Martha Stewart" days. When I would get that magazine in the mail and see all of the amazing projects. Like a set of Christmas village houses made from pine needles and pinecones and twigs and bark. I embarked on this project with the single, ego focus of making them look exactly like they did in the pictures. Of course they did not. And I missed out on what could have been a really joyful experience of getting out and enjoying nature while collecting all of the materials, the mindfulness required to separate all of the pieces of the pinecones, and allowing my own creativity to inspire how I decorated the houses.
Now that I remind myself that it is the journey, not the result, I really enjoy little art lessons and craft projects and recipes so much more. I am not rushing to see the result. I am enjoying every moment.
If I am all about the result, I try to adjust my focus to the journey or pass on the project because I know that in the end I am going to be disappointed because the ego can never be satisfied.
This was a huge challenge back to me in my "Martha Stewart" days. When I would get that magazine in the mail and see all of the amazing projects. Like a set of Christmas village houses made from pine needles and pinecones and twigs and bark. I embarked on this project with the single, ego focus of making them look exactly like they did in the pictures. Of course they did not. And I missed out on what could have been a really joyful experience of getting out and enjoying nature while collecting all of the materials, the mindfulness required to separate all of the pieces of the pinecones, and allowing my own creativity to inspire how I decorated the houses.
Now that I remind myself that it is the journey, not the result, I really enjoy little art lessons and craft projects and recipes so much more. I am not rushing to see the result. I am enjoying every moment.
Am I comparing myself to others or am I appreciating myself?
Am I trying to lessen the joy of others by being critical or am I celebrating everyone's success and being kind?
Am I trying to lessen the joy of others by being critical or am I celebrating everyone's success and being kind?
Your soul does not compare. It is perfect. And appreciates that everyone else is too.
The ego, however, is focused on how it compares to others. And you had better be the best.
This question comes out a lot for me with my kids dance and theater. In situations where there can only be one kid chosen, I often find myself comparing them to others, to see if they are the best, to influence the situation where they are.
But now I stop myself because I realize this comparison is my ego at work. Trying to see where they (and therefore I) stack up.
If I find myself comparing, I change my focus and I celebrate the wonderful things about my kids instead.
As I am writing this, I am waiting for the email to let us know if my daughter got a part in a musical that she really, really wants. (I really, really want it for her!) And instead of focusing on what I observed at the callbacks last night in the other kids, I am trying to focus on her. Her acting was amazing. I really felt the character and the scene. I am trying not to focus on the fact that I thought it was the best. Her dancing was great. She did some moves I didn't even know she knew! And there was one that she totally botched because it was pretty new to her. But I am trying not to think about how that compare to the girl who did that move really well. Her vocals were great. She has worked so hard this year on improving her singing! And I am trying not to compare her to the 3 girls who are more well trained singers.
Instead I am focusing on how proud I am of her that she really shines on the stage and how hard she worked to prepare for the role. and also appreciating what is wonderful in all of the other girls too. Without comparison.
But now I stop myself because I realize this comparison is my ego at work. Trying to see where they (and therefore I) stack up.
If I find myself comparing, I change my focus and I celebrate the wonderful things about my kids instead.
As I am writing this, I am waiting for the email to let us know if my daughter got a part in a musical that she really, really wants. (I really, really want it for her!) And instead of focusing on what I observed at the callbacks last night in the other kids, I am trying to focus on her. Her acting was amazing. I really felt the character and the scene. I am trying not to focus on the fact that I thought it was the best. Her dancing was great. She did some moves I didn't even know she knew! And there was one that she totally botched because it was pretty new to her. But I am trying not to think about how that compare to the girl who did that move really well. Her vocals were great. She has worked so hard this year on improving her singing! And I am trying not to compare her to the 3 girls who are more well trained singers.
Instead I am focusing on how proud I am of her that she really shines on the stage and how hard she worked to prepare for the role. and also appreciating what is wonderful in all of the other girls too. Without comparison.
Am I hiding my mistakes or am I enjoying being a student?
Your soul loves to learn and grow. It never feels stupid for not knowing the answer.
Your ego hates to look like it doesn't know something or is a failure.
I talk to myself about this one when I a screw up. My gut reaction is to hide from it. To cover it up. But I have stopped hiding. I remind myself that we are all students in this world. That we are all trying new things all the time and we are doing the best we can and sometimes since we are learning, it does not work out the way we, or others, wanted. I try to treat myself the way I would one of my children when they make a mistake.
I am reminded of an incident that happened a few months ago. I organize a local musical theater program. I took the program over a year ago and I was aware that the previous year there was a problem with too many people coming to the show at the end of the program. There were not enough seats and people couldn't see their kids. There was discussion around everyone paying a bit of money to get a larger venue for the next show. After I took over, things went really well until I sent out a link for parents to buy $5 tickets. The tickets would cover the cost of the new venue. If we had stuck with the old venue, each child would only get 3 tickets and the new way, we could accommodate siblings and grandparents and friends. Everyone was very happy and bought loads of tickets. Except for 2 parents. Who were very upset that they had to pay for tickets. I should have told them before they registered, they said.
The old me would have run and hid. Because I had failed them. Because I had made a mistake in not thinking to alert them that there was going to be a charge before I sent out the link to purchase tickets. Because I felt like a failure. But that was my ego talking.
Now that I am listening to my soul, I accepted that I am a student and I am not expected to have thought through every possibility. That it was okay to make a mistake or oversight. So, I apologized to the two parents for not thinking to warn them that there would be a slight charge. And it was right with my soul.
Your soul loves to learn and grow. It never feels stupid for not knowing the answer.
Your ego hates to look like it doesn't know something or is a failure.
I talk to myself about this one when I a screw up. My gut reaction is to hide from it. To cover it up. But I have stopped hiding. I remind myself that we are all students in this world. That we are all trying new things all the time and we are doing the best we can and sometimes since we are learning, it does not work out the way we, or others, wanted. I try to treat myself the way I would one of my children when they make a mistake.
I am reminded of an incident that happened a few months ago. I organize a local musical theater program. I took the program over a year ago and I was aware that the previous year there was a problem with too many people coming to the show at the end of the program. There were not enough seats and people couldn't see their kids. There was discussion around everyone paying a bit of money to get a larger venue for the next show. After I took over, things went really well until I sent out a link for parents to buy $5 tickets. The tickets would cover the cost of the new venue. If we had stuck with the old venue, each child would only get 3 tickets and the new way, we could accommodate siblings and grandparents and friends. Everyone was very happy and bought loads of tickets. Except for 2 parents. Who were very upset that they had to pay for tickets. I should have told them before they registered, they said.
The old me would have run and hid. Because I had failed them. Because I had made a mistake in not thinking to alert them that there was going to be a charge before I sent out the link to purchase tickets. Because I felt like a failure. But that was my ego talking.
Now that I am listening to my soul, I accepted that I am a student and I am not expected to have thought through every possibility. That it was okay to make a mistake or oversight. So, I apologized to the two parents for not thinking to warn them that there would be a slight charge. And it was right with my soul.
Your ego is all about how you appear to others. Your soul is just you.
Take some time to start listening to your soul.
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