I have been spending a lot of time thinking about what it means to be true to yourself. And how to not step over the line into selfishness.
I started thinking about this because I have been questioning a lot of things that I would like to do ... alter my work schedule, take a week long retreat without my husband or kids, let my hair go gray. And I realized that the questioning voice is not my own but that of everyone else in my life and in society. The voice is telling me that is not how things are done. This got me thinking about those "free spirits" I know and I realized that those people listen only to their voices.
Then I reflected on a particular friend who listens to her own voice. Her voice tells her that working 3 days a week is too much because all of her friends don't have to work and spend their days shopping and having a bottle of wine with lunch. Her voice tells her that she should run off to Cabo with her friends and leave her kids behind .. a few times a year. Her voice tells her she needs to have her hair colored by the most expensive stylist in NY. This all feels so selfish to me. But isn't she just listening to her own voice?
Then I realized that we have two voices. Our soul and our ego. Our soul is filled with love and creating positive energy. Our ego is filled with fear and gathering material items and status. When we are being true to ourselves we are listening to our soul. When we listen to our ego we run the risk of being selfish.
I think about a young man who wants to take a year off before going to college. Taking the year to discover what he loves through work, travel and volunteering is getting in touch with his soul. Taking the year because he is afraid to try something new and wants to lie around playing video games while mom still does his laundry is his selfish ego running the show. Going to college even when he isn't ready is listening to the voices of his parents who fear for his future well being if he does not follow the status quo.
I think about running off for a girls weekend. Going away for a few days to relax and reconnect with your sisterhood feeds your soul. Running away from your kids and husband so you can lie by the pool and make your other friends jealous is fed by your ego. Choosing not to go is listening to the voice of your mother that tells you not to choose yourself over your family, even for a few days.
I think about the person who quits their job to go back to school creating a financial burden for their family and having less time to spend with their kids. Are they following a passion? Or are they afraid of their current boredom and trying to chase it away? Or are they not going to school because they are listening to the voice of their husband who tells them that their job is just fine and their primary responsibility is at home.
By the way, I totally thinks this extends to kids as well. I think back to the preschool days of teaching kids to share. I remember a friend getting really mad at me when I would not make my daughter share a princess figure that was so dear to her. You know the one. The one that slept with her and took a bath with her and never left her sweaty little hand. That princess so clearly was part of her soul. She loved it almost as much as she loved me! And I let her be true to herself by keeping it safe with her. I did not force society's "right answer" of "always share" on to her. And of course I helped her to share every other of the 30 princess figures we had because holding on to those was just her ego. Even back then I think I knew that there was a difference between doing something for yourself because it touches you deep down inside and creates such a feeling of love and positive energy and doing something for yourself because it soothes a fear and makes you feel more powerful.
I think it is not so much what you do but which voice is telling you to do it. Are you listening to your true self? Or is it your ego pushing you into selfish decisions? Or is it the voice of friends and family holding you back? Get really quiet and listen closely!!!!